Page 136 of The Way I Hate Him
Hattie:Stop. Are you serious?
Maggie:Dead serious. She showed me the text messages from the best man who’s begging her not to say anything, but she feels guilty.
Hattie:Are you going to help her?
Maggie:I mean . . . I know I said I was full service, but I think this is slightly outside the parameters of my job. I pride myself on happily ever afters, not breaking people up.
Hattie:When did the bride sleep with the best man?
Maggie:Years ago. She and the now-fiancé were broken up for a day. Like a whole Ross and Rachel type thing. She got drunk with the best man, and they did it. Well, just oral. She went into detail about the whole experience, and I learned a trick or two. According to her, the best man has a crooked wee wee, which now, when I see him, I keep looking at his crotch to see if said wee wee is trying to fit in his pocket.
Hattie:LOL. Is it?
Maggie:Haven’t been able to confirm yet, but I shall keep you abreast.
Hattie:Obviously that would be appreciated. And to circle back, if it happened years ago, I’d tell her not to say anything. The best man is already struggling with the crooked wee wee, so he’s suffered enough.
Maggie:Great advice. Also, it will only ruin what they have, so I don’t think it’s smart to say anything. I mean, the moment to say something would have been when they got back together, but she missed the mark on that.
Hattie:If I were in her shoes, I’d have probably been so happy I was back together with the non-crooked wee wee that I wouldn’t mention the mishap. So I get where she’s coming from. But the best man . . . I mean, that’s rough. Does he have feelings for her?
Maggie:Not that I’m aware of. He’s been super helpful and willing to do anything when it comes to setup, carrying things, directing. He’s been the VIP.
Hattie:Guilt will do that to you.
Maggie:Exactly. Well, this was helpful. How are you? Burn anything lately?
Hattie:Ryland took that responsibility away from me.
Maggie:Smart. I’d have done the same. Are you still catatonic in Cassidy’s bed?
Hattie:If I tell you yes, are you going to yell at me?
Maggie:Hattie! You know I love you, but lying around in your dead sister’s room isn’t going to do anything for you other than continue to put you in a deeper state of sadness.
Hattie:And it has. I honestly don’t want to do anything.
Maggie:Not healthy.
Hattie:I know, but I don’t have anything to do, anywhere to go. Ryland and Aubree won’t let me help with anything because they said I won’t be here for long, and they don’t want to rely on my help only to lose it, which I get.
Maggie:Well, why not go back to work, you know . . . with Hayes?
Hattie:I quit that, remember?
Maggie:Have you spoken to him at all?
Hattie:No. I know Ryland has, but I honestly don’t know what to say to him. I don’t know where we stand. It’s all just . . . up in the air.
Maggie:Well, that won’t change if you KEEP STAYING IN BED!
Hattie:Are you trying to tell me something?
Maggie:If I have to drive up there to drag you out of bed, I’m going to be VERY, VERY angry. Do you understand? It won’t bode well for you.
Hattie:Are you talking about pulling back on your best friend card?
Maggie:Yes, and I’m not even afraid to say it. Now, get your ass out of bed and do something!
