Page 127 of The Way I Hate Him
“Mainly.” I swallow hard. “And trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.” He leans back in his chair again and sighs. “I’m sorry, Ryland.”
“I know you are,” he says softly. “None of this has been easy on us, and navigating through what I can only describe as a masterclass of how to fuck over a family has been a goddamn nightmare.”
“Mostly for you and Aubree.”
“For all of us,” he says, now looking me in the eyes. And there he is, my older brother. The anger is gone. The betrayal has disappeared, and to my surprise, he reaches over and takes my hand in his, offering me a gentle smile. It’s enough to cause tears to well in my eyes. “Don’t cry,” he says.
“Hard not to,” I say. “I thought . . . I thought you were going to hate me forever.”
He shakes his head. “No, I could never, and I’m sorry I said some shitty things to you. I never should have said any of it.”
“I get it,” I say. “I probably would have reacted the same way if the roles were reversed.”
“Nonetheless, it was uncalled for, and you must know, no matter what, I’ll always love you, Hattie. That will never change.”
“Thank you,” I say softly.
He pulls his hand away. “How did, uh, things end with you and Hayes when I left?”
I shake my head. “Not well. I found this on the floor. I think it was in his back pocket and fell out when you two were wrestling.” I hold out an envelope and watch his eyes fall on it.
“What’s that?”
“It’s a letter from Cassidy. She sent it to Hayes. He knew about it and never told me. We got in a fight over it, and I told him to leave.”
Ryland scratches the side of his jaw. “What did she say? That she wants me to be friends with Hayes again?”
Stunned, I ask, “How did you know?”
“She said the same thing to me in my letter,” he replies.
“Wait, you got a letter too?”
“I did. Aubree and Abel as well.”
“What?” I sit taller. “Did she leave me one?”
Ryland shakes his head. “Not that I know of. There was nothing given to us to give to you.”
“Really?” I ask, feeling the wind knocked straight from my lungs. “Why wouldn’t she leave one with me?”
“Can’t be sure.” Ryland pushes his hand through his thick hair.She really didn’t write me anything. Why? Why was school the only thing she thought I needed?They all got letters. Everyone but me. “She told Aubree she believed she could make the farm bigger and better than it is, since Aubree cares so much about the earth and plants. She told me that I’d make a great father, and it’s why she chose me to take care of Mac, and then she told me to clear things up with Hayes because I needed the help.”But what could Hayes offer that I couldn’t? He’s off touring the world...
“What did she say to Abel?” My throat is tight, so I can only whisper the words out.
“That she would always love him,” Ryland says, his voice tightening. “They were close, closer than I think you ever knew. I truly think they were in love at some point, but he never made a move because she was my sister.” He pulls on the back of his neck, looking sick about it. “Abel and I never talk about it because I know how much it hurts him that she’s gone.” He pauses. “Those flowers you saw at Cassidy’s grave were from him. He visits often. It’s why he’s so involved in Mac’s life because he wants to hold Cassidy close to him.”
“Jesus,” I say, my throat tight from the emotions running through me.
“But she also told Abel to help bring me and Hayes back together.”
“She did?”
He nods. “She did. She’s told everyone.”
“So why didn’t you listen?”
“Taking care of Mac, working at the school, and coaching the baseball team is hard enough as it is. Reaching out to someone touring around the country would only add to the mess of my life. It was easier to ignore it. Easier to stay angry.”
