Page 126 of The Way I Hate Him
“Can I watch a show?”
“Yes.” He glances at Aubree. “Can you help her out?”
Aubree stands, patting her stomach. “I could use the rest too.” Together, they walk off to the living room, leaving me alone with Ryland.
We didn’t mention anything about the early morning wake-up call when I arrived at the grave earlier. He explained to Mac that he ran into a door, and that’s why his face was bruised and he had a stitch above his eye. She asked him why on earth he would run into a door, and he told her it was because he wasn’t paying attention.
Meanwhile, I felt Aubree staring me down, not necessarily angry but confused. I think we’re all confused at this point. We were able to honor Cassidy. I silently sobbed as I watched Mac hug Cassidy’s gravestone for what seemed like forever, telling her how much she misses her. I thought my heart was shattering all over again.It’s not fair.This little girl needs her mommy. At the glass beach, Mac picked out a few stones for the collection she started with Cassidy. We then made grilled cheese sandwiches and had pie at the farm.It’s exactly what Cassidy would have wanted.
All the while, the awkwardness from this morning floats over us, and now that Mac is off in the living room with Aubree, I know it’s my time to talk to Ryland.
“Can we talk?” I ask him.
“Yeah,” he says, surprising me. I thought I’d have to work a little harder to get his attention. But I’m sure he’s emotionally exhausted and has no fight left in him.He looks so exhausted.
He stands from the table and brings the empty plates to the sink before nodding toward the back porch. Following him, I open the squeaky screen door and step out onto the small back porch with a view of the potato fields.
He sits in one of the white wicker chairs, and I take a seat in the other.
He doesn’t give me a chance to speak as he starts the conversation. “Are you seeing him?”
I shake my head. “No. But I’ll be honest, Ryland, it’s not from my lack of trying. He wouldn’t make a move. He’s told me no several times.”
He glances up at me. I can see anger in his expression, but there’s also heart-wrenching pain.This has been a weird day for him.“You were trying . . . given everything between me and Hayes?”
Yeah, this won’t be easy because technically, I betrayed my brother, but I figure I should at least try to explain to him.
“I want to tell you the truth, Ryland, but I need you to stay and listen to the whole thing, okay? Promise me, you won’t walk away.”
His jaw clenches, but he leans back in his chair and nods. “Promise.”
“Thank you.” I smooth my hand over my leggings and mentally tell myself I can do this. “So as you know, I failed out of this semester. I didn’t know what to do, so I came back to be with Matt, and I was going to figure out my path from there. Matt broke up with me immediately and told me he only stayed with me because Cassidy was sick. He told me to gather my stuff, and that’s when I found the Grammy he stole from Hayes. Technically, I was there when he stole it, but I thought I’d be the bigger person and return it while trying to get Matt fired because I’m spiteful, apparently.”
That causes Ryland to smirk, but only for a moment. “It’s why no one wants to cross your path.”
Seeing that he’s a little more at ease than this morning, I feel better with my story as I move forward. “Hayes caught me dropping the Grammy off and told me that he knew I was a part of it. He had already fired Matt, and well, he told me he needed help with some stuff around his house. He was going to pay well, and I needed money. So I took the job.” Ryland rubs the side of his jaw but doesn’t say anything, so I keep going. “I was organizing his life, and he was trying to write some new songs. Pretty sure he still is. To keep it a secret, I lied about where I was going every day because I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t on your side with whatever had happened between you and Hayes. But the more I got to know him, the more I saw a different side of him, a side that I’m sure you saw in him before you two lost your way. I’d never known that side of him, so it was fascinating, and I started to like him.”
Ryland glances at me, and I shrug.
“I’m sorry, but I did. And the more I showed him that, the more he pushed me away. The more he told me he wouldn’t go there. The more he told me that you, Ryland, you are the one who matters, not him. He wouldn’t let me grow close out of fear that it would ruin my relationship with you.”
Ryland slowly nods as he goes back to staring out at the potato fields.
“Yesterday, I was upset about a lot of things. I won’t get into it, but I decided to get drunk. I made an ass of myself, and before I could hurt anyone or myself, Hayes brought me back to my apartment. He stayed the night because he knew I was drunk and wanted to keep an eye on me. Trust me when I say he wouldn’t make a move. He made it clear he’d never cross that line with me. What you saw today, what you heard about last night was just him taking care of me.”
“I got a text from Ethel that she saw you and Hayes walking back to your place last night. I saw the text this morning and saw red.”
“I completely understand. I wasn’t honest with you, and it must have been a shock. I’m sorry, Ryland. I should have told you the truth from the very beginning, but I was embarrassed.”
“So this entire time, you’ve been working for him? It hasn’t been an internship?”
I shake my head. “No, no internship. I’ve been sorting through fan mail.”
“Jesus, Hattie.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do after I failed my midterms. I was scared, nervous to tell you. You and Aubree were already dealing with so much. When Hayes offered the job, I knew it would at least give me an excuse for being back in town. Trust me, I know it’s not right, and I felt guilty when I lied to you.”
He rubs his temples with his fingers. “So you’ve been sorting mail.”
