Page 86 of The Way I Hate Him
“And that was advice built up on dreamy lust. You should know that about me. Now that we’re out of his house and we don’t have that haze over us—get it . . . haze.” She wiggles her brows.
“Yes.” I roll my eyes.
“I can thoroughly say if you want him, don’t deny yourself, but you have to know he might hurt you if you go for it.” He already has. “I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but his reputation doesn’t speak well for him. You’re already struggling. Don’t let him come into your life and break you. And not to mention, if Aubree and Ryland found out, it could quite possibly break any thread you might still have attached to them. If you’re willing to risk that, then take what you want.”
I glance out the window because I tried taking what I wanted and did a shit job at it. He played around with me, but in the end, he backed away. Probably because I was nervous, probably because I seemed inexperienced, probably because even though I’ve caught him glancing at me, he doesn’t actually find me that desirable. He thinks I’m too young, and that could not have been more obvious last night.
“Why are you avoiding eye contact with me?”
A tear falls down my cheek as last night’s embarrassment hits me harder than expected, and I’m unable to keep it to myself. I quietly say, “Because I tried taking what I wanted from him last night and failed miserably, and now I’m really freaking embarrassed.”
“What do you mean?” she asks.
I turn toward her, more tears falling down my cheeks. “I mean, I saw him in the kitchen last night and came onto him. He touched me a little but never where I wanted, pinned me against the fridge, yet he wouldn’t cross that line when I asked for more. He kept saying I was off limits. So I really don’t think there’s anything there.”
“He touched you? In what way?” Maggie asks.
“I wasn’t wearing anything under his sweatshirt, so he, you know . . . came close but never really went there. I was turned on to the point I was practically begging, and he still wouldn’t do anything.”
Her lips twist to the side as she thinks. “You know, if he almost went there, that means he wants it. He just needs to get past a mental block first.” She wipes away my tears for me. “I don’t think it’s a matter ofifhe wants you, Hattie. I think it’s a matter ofwhenyou’ll break him. The question you need to ask yourself is . . . are you willing to break him, but in return, possibly lose your family?”
“You think I’ll lose them?” I ask even though I’m pretty sure I know the answer to that.
She gives me aget reallook. “The moment they find out you’re working for him, they’re going to lose their shit. If they find out you’re actually with him, with him, I don’t think they’ll talk to you.”
I bite down on the corner of my lip. “I know you’re right. This all just . . . sucks. Everything about it. It’s unfair because I was with Matt for many years and never felt like I do around Hayes. I swear, one look from him feels like an electric shock.”
“I can only imagine. But I worry about you and your family. You were so close before. I think that’s why you should build up your relationship with Ryland and Aubree first, then maybe, if you thinkitwon’tdestroy what you’ve gained, ease them into the idea of giving Hayes a second chance. I think it’s the only way to win both sides of this.”
“Yeah . . . I think you’re right. I’m sure there’s a way I can get Ryland to open up, and when he does, I can show him how generous and kind Hayes has been.”
Maggie nods. “I think that’s a great idea.” She grips the handle of the door. “And you know, you can call me anytime. I’ll try to come up here again soon. I have a few weddings but think I have some weekdays off.”
“Sounds perfect,” I say. “And thank you, Maggie.”
“Anything for my girl.” She hugs me over the center console and then gets out. I pop the trunk for her to grab her bag. She waves at me and gets into her car when she’s done.
Instead of returning to Hayes’s house right away, I decide to clear my head and head up the boardwalk.
Phone in one hand and wallet in the other, because I know I’ll end up buying something at Pieces and Pages, I walk past The Almond Store, where I see Aubree helping a customer pick out some almond extract. I avoid the inn—in case Ethel waits at the window to jump out and talk to me—and cross the street, where I run directly into Abel on his way to work.
“Hattie, hey,” he says with a smile. “How are you?”
“Good,” I answer.
He nods. “Great to hear.”
And then an awkward silence falls between us because there’s a giant elephant in the room, an elephant so large that I honestly don’t know how Abel can walk around with a monumental secret on his chest about both of his best friends.
“Have a good weekend?” he finally asks.
“Yeah, my friend Maggie came to hang out.”
“Cool.”
“What about you?”
“Oh, uh, went up to the redwoods with Ryland, Mac, and Aubree. Surprised you didn’t head up with us. You were missed.”
