Page 69 of The Way I Hate Him
“You can’t resign. All you’ve done is make a giant mess in my house with no rhyme or reason. You’re not allowed to leave until that’s sorted out.”
“Like I said . . . I have a system.”
“Can’t wait to see how the system actually works,” I reply.
“You’ll be marveled.”
“I’m sure of it.” After a second of silence, I ask, “IsThe Reasonstill your favorite song? Or is there a song for every year you’ve loved me that is your favorite? Maybe a song for every mood?”
“I hate you,” she says, staring out at the fire.
“So you’ve told me.” I nudge her with my hand. “Come on, tell me.”
“No. I refuse to make your head any bigger than it already is. Let’s just go back to pretending I don’t like your music.”
“That’s not going to happen,” I say. “Maggie has opened my eyes, and they’ll never be closed after this.”
“That’s creepy.”
“Perhaps,” I reply. “But it’s the truth.” I nudge her again. “Come on, the least you can do after I let you stay here with Maggie is tell me about my songs. Maybe it’ll help me write something.”
“Oh, don’t start with that, as if I have some magical power that will help you write.”
“Maybe you do. Let’s find out and see.”
From her profile, I catch her rolling her eyes, but despite being annoyed, she says, “The Reasonwill always be my favorite song of yours for many reasons—no pun intended. I have a lot of memories connected to that song. But when I’m in a good mood, I’ll playHeartstopperbecause it can keep the joy in my soul. It’s upbeat, and fun, and despite Cassidy being team Ryland, she admitted to loving that song. And when I’m sad and just want to be sad, I listen toThe Day I Lost Youbecause it helps me sit in my feelings. After I lost Cassidy, I listened to that on repeat and cried for hours.” I reach out and press my hand to her back, slowly rubbing my thumb in a soothing motion.
“And when I want to get work done and need the motivation, I listen to yourBlackalbum. It has the same vibes as Taylor Swift’sReputation, and it makes me want to fuck things up and get things done. I think I love all the songs on that album equally. But the first song I heard of yours that I loved and would secretly listen to wasSinner Versus Saint.I remember feeling so guilty listening to it, but I immediately fell in love with your voice because it was dark, dreamy, and edgy at the same time.” She shrugs. “There you have it.”
I drag my hand slowly over my mouth. “Wow, I was not expecting that.”
She looks over her shoulder. “Consider it as a thank-you for letting Maggie stay here. It might have pained me to admit all of that, but I think I owed it to you.”
I’m silent for a second because I’m genuinely floored by her honesty. It’s such a rare gift these days, so much so that I’ve almost forgotten what it costs. True honesty. But this girl, apart from her fabrication about liking my music, has been honest.Real.“You realize you owe me nothing, right?”
She turns toward me and says, “Really, Hayes? Without you at the moment, I don’t know where I’d be. Probably speaking the truth to my siblings and sleeping in a studio above my dead sister’s Almond Shop. At least with you, I have something to look forward to.”
“Because I blackmailed you.”
“If I truly didn’t want to be here, I think we both know . . . you would have let me go.”
I stare into her eyes and admit the truth, not stopping myself. “I’d let you do anything, Hattie.”
She tilts her head to the side. “Why?”
I shrug but can feel the reason deep in my soul.I’m fucking lonely.
“Why, Hayes?” she asks, pressing me.
I drape my arm over the back of the bench. “I don’t know, Hattie, maybe because it’s fucking lonely out on the road. That I don’t have as many people close to me as I thought I did. You push me away, but still stay close. You don’t take when other people will...and that makes me realize you’re not here to use me, especially since you know you could leave any moment you want, and I won’t hold it against you.”
She fiddles with her hands in her lap. “You’re making it really hard not to like you.”
“Maybe I’m not the kind of guy you should be hating,” I say.
“With every day that passes, I’m beginning to think that.” She turns away, and when I think she’s about to get up and leave, she scoots back against the bench and leans against my arm. But then she scoots in closer and positions her body to lean against my chest and my arm.
Fucking hell.
