Page 49 of The Way I Hate Him
Aubree tugs on my hand. “Come on, we can sit inside.”
“Oh, don’t let us deter you from enjoying the evening outside,” Hayes says. “Why don’t you join us?” He gestures to the empty seats at their table.
“Fuck off, Hayes,” Aubree says, dragging me away and back into the restaurant, where we find a seat off to the right. “Why were you talking to them?” Aubree asks as we both sit down.
“I didn’t see them at first, and then Abel said hi. I thought it would be rude if I didn’t say hi back.”
Aubree shakes her head. “I don’t know how Abel does it, be friends with Hayes and Ryland. I wouldn’t be able to keep the two relationships separate. I can barely look at Abel.”
“That’s because you always had a crush on him,” I say, causing Aubree to shoot a death stare at me.Geez, they’re common tonight.
“Not with that shit, Hattie. You know that’s not true. There has never been anything between us.”
“I know, but it’s fun to tease you. Abel is like a brother.”
“Exactly.” She pauses. “Cassidy was the one with a crush on Abel.”
I pause while opening my straw. “Wait, what?”
Aubree nods. “I think they actually kissed once.”
“Are you serious?” My shoulders droop because I feel like Cassidy should have told me that. We told each other everything.
“Yeah, they liked each other, but Abel was too good of a friend to risk messing anything up with Ryland, so he never made a move. Cassidy was devastated.”
“How . . . how come she never told me?”
“Probably too young when it happened. She was really upset, though. There could have been something great between them, but they never explored it. I truly believe it’s one of the reasons Abel was so involved in her cancer diagnosis. Not just because he’s close to the family, but because a part of him wanted to try to save her.”
“Oh God,” I say, my throat growing tight from the thought of them never being able to explore a deeper connection. “Do you think that’s why he never goes out with anyone?”
Aubree shrugs. “Probably.”
“That’s so sad.”
Just then, the server delivers our pizza, but now, I don’t feel as hungry. My stomach churns from the thought of Cassidy being denied a bigger love than what she had with her husband. Don’t get me wrong, they loved each other, but Clarke got her pregnant, and that was why they got married. They made a life together, but he was gone a lot on Peace Corp missions down in Costa Rica while she was left to tend to her business and Mac. It wasn’t the kind of love affair you write stories about. It was average. And then, when he passed in a bus accident, Cassidy never looked for anyone else. Was it because she was saving herself for Abel, waiting for a time when he thought it would be okay to ask her out?
“Why aren’t you eating?” Aubree asks.
“Because I’m struggling with the thought of Cassidy missing out on love.”
“She had Clarke. She loved him,” Aubree says coldly.
“But there could have been so much more for her,” I say.
“You don’t know that. Sure, Abel is a good guy, but they could have just been friends. I don’t think you can look too much into it, there’s no use. You’re just going to drive yourself nuts.”
I know she’s right, but it will still bother me.
There’s so much about Cassidy that bothers me, so much that I’m still trying to work through.
“Do you miss her?” I ask.
Aubree takes a bite of her pizza, chews, and once she swallows, she quietly says, “Every damn day.” Her eyes meet mine. “Every day, I try to make her proud. I try to carry on her legacy. And every day it feels like an uphill climb with no rest in sight.”
“Why don’t you talk about it?” I ask.
“Because there’s nothing to talk about. It will come across as complaining, and I’m not going to complain about anything. Not when I have a niece without parents who needs to see strong adult figures in her life working to keep her mom’s memory alive.”
