Page 221 of The Way I Hate Him
I nod, my hand clutched over my mouth as I pick up the card. Underneath are individually wrapped items in pink birthday wrapping paper.
“She . . . she sent me a birthday gift.” I shakily open the letter, gulping back the sob forming in my throat.She didn’t forget me. She didn’t forget me.I pull out the card, which is a picture of The Almond Store with a taped, cut-out picture of me and her when we were younger. She placed us right next to the door.
Swiping at my tears, I open the card, and I read it to myself.
My dearest, sweetest, favoritest Hattie,
God, it’s taken me so long to even try to start this card because how the hell am I supposed to say goodbye to you? The one person who helped make my dreams come true. The one person who made me feel like a mom before I truly was one. And the one person who was my backbone.
Which means I’m not going to say goodbye to you. I can’t, but what I can do is tell you this . . .
First of all, happy birthday, Hattie Hoo. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there, holding your hand while I sang happy birthday, tackling you to the ground with hugs, and giving you these presents in person. But knowing I won’t be there, I decided to give you one last special birthday from me.
Second, I want to tell you how proud I am of you. I’m not sure I said that enough, but I am. We grew up in a home where love was scarce, drama was high, and self-preservation was the name of the game, but you . . . you’re the one who made me realize if we don’t come together as siblings to help one another, we’d never make it out of that house.
I know you’ll believe I’m the reason you’re full of love, of understanding, of resilience, but in reality, I’m the one who fed off you. When you were young, you filled me with love. When I was struggling to find peace and not be bitter from the cards that were drawn for me, you were the one who helped me find understanding. And resilience. Hattie, without you, I would have none.
You are my rock.
You are my person.
You are the sole reason I was convinced I could be a mom when my husband was constantly away...and when I lost him.
And when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, you were there for me every step of the way. I know this isn’t what we’d hoped, but you know what? Hattie Hoo, I’d do this life all over again if it meant you were at my side, cheering for me, guiding me, and filling me with joy.
I know this is hard, and I know losing me won’t be easy on you, but I have all the confidence in the world that if anyone is going to keep my spirit alive and show my daughter the kind of mother I’d have been for her, it will be you.
As you know, Ryland has custody of Mac, but I need you to teach her our ways. She needs to know how to make the almond cherry cookies the right way. She needs to know how to pick out the perfect tablecloth. She needs to know where to find the best sea glass, and how to look up at the stars. I need you to teach her everything, everything I taught you . . . including Jake Ryan. I will haunt you if you tell her Patrick is better.
And finally, I want you to live your life to its fullest. Spread your joy. Impart your smile on the grumpiest of people. Drive Aubree nuts with your constant chattering. Scare Ryland whenever you get the chance just to remind him he’s alive. Fall in love. Fall out of love. And fall in love again.
Make mistakes.
Laugh about the tribulations.
Celebrate the triumphs.
And above all else, know that you are the most genuine, loving, intelligent human I know. You will do great things in this life, Hattie. And I promise to watch over you every step of the way.
I love you.
Your sis,
Cassidy
I set the card down and then bury my head in my hands as I sob uncontrollably. Maggie is immediately at my side, her hand on my back, rubbing soothing circles.
And I’m not sure how long we stay like that, but it takes me a while to pull myself together.
“Are you okay?” Maggie finally asks as I lift my head. She hands me a napkin from the table, and I dab at my eyes.
“I . . . I wasn’t expecting that.” I shake my head. “I thought she forgot about me.”
“Cassidy would never,” Maggie says.
“But . . . everyone got a card, everyone but me, I just assumed.” I let out another sob. “God, I can’t believe I thought that about her. That she would forget me. Instead, she tried to make my birthday special.”
Maggie turns me to face her and meets my eyes with hers. “You listen to me, and you listen to me good. This package is not to make you feel bad or to second-guess everything that you thought or said. This package should bring you the closure you’ve been looking for. Do you understand me?”
