Page 138 of The Way I Hate Him
“Good, you need one to get you out of that bedroom.” He leans against the counter and takes a sip of his coffee.
“Hey, I went for a run. That should be something.”
“It is something,” he says, growing serious. “And I think you taking the time to mourn is good. I’m not sure you did that when you were at school, but hiding out all by yourself in a room when you’re going through something like that is also dangerous. So I’m seriously glad to see you doing something for you.”
“What about you and Aubree?” I say. “You haven’t had time to mourn.”
“We have in our own way,” Ryland says. “Hey, Mac? Go get your shoes on.”
“Okey dokey,” she says, taking off.
Ryland turns toward me. “I’ve had the chance to mourn with Mac. Sure, I had to take care of her while mourning, but I’ve still had that connection to Cassidy. Aubree has mourned while running the farm and shop. It’s kept her busy, and I think both you and I know she does things her own way at this point. She’s not one to reallybein her emotions. But you, you’re different, and even though I’m sad you didn’t get to graduate this semester, I think it’s important to get your head on straight.”
“Thanks. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry about not graduating.”
“I know you will,” he says. “That’s something Aubree and I have come to terms with.”
“Do you think I’m letting her down?”
“Aubree?” he asks.
I shake my head. “Cassidy.”
Ryland sets his empty cup in the sink. “No. I think she’d appreciate you taking small steps. Losing someone is one of the hardest things a human ever has to endure. Cassidy was always about being your authentic self, and that’s what you’re doing. If that means pretending to take an internship with my mortal enemy behind my back, then that’s being you.” He offers me a teasing smirk that makes me laugh.
“And you know what? I’d do it all over again.”
“I wouldn’t doubt it.” He pulls me into a hug but then regrets it immediately. “Fuck, you’re gross.”
“Shut up.” I push at his chest, making him laugh.
* * *
Okay,so I don’t want to admit it, but those soaps Maggie sent me smell amazing. I’ll obviously never tell her that, but I keep sniffing my skin. And it’s not like I haven’t been showering, but stepping out of Cassidy’s room, all stuffy and sucking in the air I keep recycling through my body, invigorates you. I swear my eyelashes have some natural lift now from experiencing fresh air.
After a nice, long shower where I scrubbed and shaved every orifice of my body, I lotioned up, added a touch of mascara, and let my hair air-dry into waves, only adding a touch of oil to the ends for some texture. I threw on a pair of jean shorts and one of my favorite Boston shirts. When I looked in the mirror, I was impressed with myself. I looked like a human.
And now that I’m headed into The Almond Store, I think Aubree might keel over from the sight of me.
I push through the door and notice a few tourists milling about, but when Aubree catches sight of me from behind the counter, her eyebrows shoot up.
Smiling, I walk up to her and say, “What do you think?”
“Am I supposed to compliment you?”
“Yes.”
“I’m glad you smell better.”
I roll my eyes and then join her behind the counter. “So what do you need help with?”
“I don’t need help with anything. But I do think you should see something.” She nods toward the back. “Go check out the apartment.”
“You mean the trashed apartment? If you wanted me to clean it up, I wouldn’t have worn my nice shirt.”
She glances at my shirt and then back up to my eyes. “That’s your nice shirt?”
“Glad you have no problem being a dick to me.”
