Page 77 of Bourbon Truths
It was as if Linda was just living in another world, completely lost in her thoughts. What was she thinking about? Was she trying to teach Madeline self-defense because her father had been attacked in a bar? It would make sense, but would Linda be all right with me teaching her daughter self-defense when I was the man who had murdered her husband?
I was getting nauseated, but I ignored it, needing to get this conversation over with. Repeating myself, I asked, “Is Madeline being picked on at school?”
“What? No. Why would you ask that?”
“Oh, I just…The way you asked about self-defense, I thought that maybe she was going through something right now.”
“Just taking precautionary measures.”
Precautionary measures. Linda was trying to protect Madeline from people like me. Little did she know, she should stay as far away from me as possible.
“Do you think Madeline would be able to join the class? It’s very important to me that she learns to defend herself at a young age. I want her growing up to be a strong, confident woman.”
“Yup,” I said, swallowing bile. “We can get her into today’s class if you’re interested in starting right away.”
I was talking, but I really wasn’t understanding what I was offering. Was I really accepting Madeline into one of my classes?
“That would be great. What time does it begin?”
I looked at my watch. “Half an hour.”
“Perfect. I brought her gear. I can go get her changed and then we’ll be back.”
“Sounds good,” I replied. “Make sure you get a free water bottle up front.”
“Thanks. Can I sit and watch?”
“Yup, that’s why we have the bleachers. You can join in as well if you would like.”
“I’ll think about it,” Linda said a little shyly. “Come on, Madeline. We have to get you ready for class.”
“Awesome!” Madeline called while fist-pumping the air. She skidded across the floor, grabbed her bag, and headed out of the room with her mom.
“See you in a few,” Linda called out.
“Yeah, see you in a few, Mr. Kace,” Madeline said, waving and walking away with her mom.
The minute the door closed, I locked it and ran to the trashcan, where I threw up all my past sins and regrets.
How the fuck was I going to get through today without losing my shit?
* * *
My heart hammeredin my chest, sweat dripped down my back, and my throat was clogged with emotion, a fucking unyielding feeling that was making it hard to breathe.
Watching Madeline prance around the Haze Room, wearing boxing gloves entirely too big for her noodle arms, smiling and waving at her mom after every punch she made to the bag, caused me to be physically nauseous.
I didn’t know why I felt so ill. I should have been happy she was a well-rounded little girl with a heart of fucking gold and a smile that made me want to give her the world.
But all I felt was the sick need to bury myself in a case of Maker’s and wash away the smiling image of Madeline Duncan.
I could feel myself drowning, gasping for air, wondering when the burning ache in my chest would cease to exist.
This pain I was feeling, I’d brought upon myself. I couldn’t get over God’s sick plan to bring Linda and Madeline into my life.
“Looking good over here,” Jett said as he clasped my shoulder. “You got them working hard.”
It was a small class of five people. Linda decided to join in and they were all working on their jabs right now while I tried to calm my racing heart.
