Page 96 of Bourbon Sins
The floor of the Toulouse Room was getting harder and harder as I continued to sit practically bare-assed on it, legs crossed with my head in my hands. It had been three long days of no Jett, countless lap dances, and the pain of my parents’ death anniversary hovering over my head.
Flashes of my parents’ lifeless bodies amongst the devastation left by Hurricane Katrina kept running through my mind, making me feel ill for the better part of my days. The thoughts were not only affecting my ability to perform, but also my ability to just wake up in the morning. Luckily, my phone was programmed with five different alarms, so I didn’t miss any more practices or workouts.
I found zero enjoyment lately in anything I did as I walked around the house aimlessly, feeling numb to the world. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t from Jett neglecting me; it was from my parents’ anniversary, but deep down, I knew it was a combination of things. A combination of no sex, no Jett, and none of the unconditional love every girl needed—or at least I needed.
Comfort, that was what I wanted, and I knew I wasn’t going to get it from anyone, at least no one in the Lafayette Club. I thought about the meeting I was supposed to have with Rex today and the thought of his warm arms wrapped around my body; it had me thinking that maybe I could go see what he had to say, just to find comfort in an old friend.
I felt a warm presence kneel next to me, but I didn’t look up. I didn’t want to because, whoever it was, I didn’t want to talk to them. All the girls were back in their rooms, preparing for tonight, so that only left two people, Jett and Kace. Neither of whom I wanted to talk to because Kace was an ass ninety-five percent of the time when he was around me and Jett, well, he had turned completely cold since our date night.
It wasn’t a secret as to why he fled from me. I pushed him too far, I must have, because there was no other explanation for why he would stop inviting me up to the Bourbon Room or stop sending me flowers and cards. He was a lost soul just like me, but instead of seeking comfort like I did, he distanced himself from everyone and used sex as an outlet, not as a connection. I knew this going into my contract; I knew he couldn’t offer me what I would eventually end up wanting, but I couldn’t help it. He won my heart the minute I saw the way he took care of me and saved me from the bottomless abyss that was consuming my life.
“Lo,” the deep rasp of Kace’s voice brought me back to the present. I gradually looked up and met his eyes with mine. “Are you okay?”
A sob that I was holding back escaped my throat as I shook my head no and started to watch my tears fall to my lap. My emotions were running rampant as I tried to rein them in, but there was no hope. I was a lost cause.
“Come here,” Kace scooped me up in his arms and started walking toward the back stairs. I thought about protesting, but I didn’t have enough energy to do so. So I let the former boxing professional with hard eyes, but a soft heart, carry me up to my bedroom.
When he reached my room, he gently placed me on my bed and had me lean back on my pillow. He went into my bathroom and grabbed a warm, wet towel for my face. When he handed it to me, he sat down on my bed right next to me, consuming the air around us. He brushed my hair away from my face as he looked at me with concern.
“What’s going on, Lo? You haven’t been your normal self lately.”
I pressed the warm towel against my face and brought my legs to my chest, not caring what kind of body part I might be showing off in my miniscule underwear.
“You’re just going to tell me I told you so.”
“Try me,” Kace said, as he gripped my foot and squeezed it, warming my body with the gentle connection of a human’s touch.
“It’s my parents’ death anniversary,” I answered softly, almost too softly. Could he even hear me?
The bed dipped from Kace’s body reaching over to grab me. He set me on his lap where I buried my head in his neck and cried as he rubbed my back and calmed me with soothing tones.
“And he hasn’t talked to me since the other night. I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want me anymore. What did I do that was so wrong? Is it because I care about him?”
Kace shook his head as he held me tighter. “He has problems, Lo. Problems that you’ll never be able to fix, but you’re the first girl I’ve seen get under his skin in a long time and seeing it from the outside, I would bet my two balls that you scared the shit out of him. He’s pushing you away because you got too close.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” I hiccupped, as I tried to steady my ragged breathing.
“No, it doesn’t, but he’s not going to change, not even for someone who has shown him how his life could be better. He will always want a contract and he will always keep pushing you away.”
Kace’s word struck deeper than I thought. I was in denial most of the time about Jett’s feelings, so when he told me the cold hard truth, it stung, it fucking stung bad.
“I can’t go on tonight, Kace.”
“Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to.”
Shocked by how he didn’t put up a fight, I looked up at him and said, “You’re not going to kick me out of the club for missing a presentation?” The corner of his mouth twitched when I asked about his ongoing empty threat.
Kace brought his hand up to my cheek and rubbed it with his thumb as he shook his head no. “No, you deserve a night off. I can stay with you if you would like, if you want the company.”
“Thank you, but I’m going to go visit my parent’s grave. I’ll feel better if I do.”
“Do you want me to go with you?”
I didn’t understand why Kace was being so nice, and if I was being honest, it was freaking me the fuck out. He was moody most of the time, and the fact that he was putting my wellbeing before anything else, touching me as if I was a porcelain doll, made me feel a plethora of mixed emotions—emotions that were not welcome at the moment.
“Thanks, but I think I should just go by myself. I think I would feel self-conscious if you went, since I talk to them out loud like a crazy.”
“Well, if you need anything, let me know.” Kace placed me back on the bed and stepped away. He looked down at me and pulled on the back of his neck as he studied me. If only I could go into his head for a couple of minutes, just to see what he was thinking, then maybe I’d be able to figure the man out once and for all.
