Page 27 of Bourbon Deceit
“I don’t need it all the time, Jett. I just had some bad thoughts in my head and going to the Bourbon Room just wasn’t what I needed. I’m sorry.”
Why was I apologizing? I heard myself gripping on to any loose end that Jett would throw me, and I hated the way my voice sounded, like a desperate woman trying to hang on. But wasn’t that what I was? I wanted Jett so fucking bad. There was this undeniable force that brought me to him and even though he says he’s an emotionless bastard, I still feel his pain. I didn’t want to lose anything we had and right now, it felt like he was minutes from cutting me loose by the way his silence continued. Panic set in.
“Talk to me,” I almost demanded. “Tell me what you need, Jett.”
He took a second to gather himself before he said, “You, Goldie. I just need you.”
My gut twisted. He was so vulnerable, I didn’t know what to say. When I tried turning around to face him, he wouldn’t let me so instead, I just let him hold me like I wanted but if I were honest, it almost felt like he needed more than anything to hold me at that moment, rather than me needing him.
Instead of talking, we stayed silent and lay in my bed. As Jett wrapped his body around me, my heart tore in two. I wanted this man, more than anything, but was he really willing to give me everything? Was he able to give me not just his body but his mind, his soul as well? I wasn’t too sure, and that realization made my stomach churn from the thought of not being able to keep Jett in my life.
Sleep eluded me as my brain worked overtime and when I woke the next morning, Jett was nowhere to be found, but there was a note on my table, written in green marker.
I will beout of town for a while. Listen to Kace. – J
What the fuck?
Chapter Ten
“Wake Me Up”
JETT
Canal Street was buzzing with lights and tourists exploring the eclectic city of New Orleans. Palm trees flanked the middle of the street where the trolley breezed through. I loved this city. I loved the richness of it, the tradition, the history, and the people. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
I picked at the plate of gumbo room service had brought up to my suite. I wasn’t very hungry. I hadn’t been hungry since I’d left the club, since I practically gave myself over to Goldie.
She told me her safe word. Hearing her say that one little word nearly gutted me. I always considered myself a controlled man, one who was able to gauge people’s feelings, especially the women I brought up to the Bourbon Room, but Goldie was different. She was a mystery to me most of the time.
She wanted things I couldn’t give her. She wanted a relationship, she wanted someone to hold her and be emotionally there for her, but I was too broken, a black soul with a beat up heart.
I’ve worked hard my entire life to be better than my dad, to do good with my money and to give my mom her one wish: to see me settle down with someone, to be taken care of by someone. Knowing I failed my mom was almost debilitating. I thought I’d found the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with in Natasha but when she told me she wanted more, that I wasn’t good enough for her, I changed. She crushed my dreams, my mom’s dreams, and I hadn’t been the same since.
I’m a confident man in every aspect of my life besides holding on to a relationship, being emotionally there for someone, because how could I do that if I was so damaged, if I never truly knew what a loving relationship looked like? I couldn’t. All I would do is torment whoever was with me, and that meant tormenting Goldie. I wanted nothing but good things for her. She deserved so much, so damn much.
“Did you really think you could hide forever?”
Kace.
I turned around in my chair and saw Kace slip a room key into his pocket. The asshole must have fucked the lady at the front desk at one time or another, because there was no way they would have given him a key otherwise.
“What the hell do you want?” I asked as I turned back around to stare down at Canal Street.
Heavy footsteps rang in the air, Kace was approaching, it was time to brace for impact. He walked around the desk I was sitting at and sat on the sill of the window, blocking my view.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Jett?”
I turned away but Kace stopped my chair from spinning all the way around.
“Don’t fucking block me out,” Kace said, growing irritated with my child-like behavior.
I ran a hand through my hair. “It’s getting too fucking serious. She wants too much from me.”
“You’re lucky you have an event tonight that’s important, because I’m inches away from punching that dumb-ass head of yours.”
I looked up at Kace, a little shocked. He was pissed . . . at me.
“Is that right?” I asked as I brushed off my pant leg, trying to keep calm.
