Page 74 of The Downside of Love
“Our living arrangement. I might sleep in this bed when I’m here, but I’m still going to stay with Ryan.”
“What?” Her brow creases, clearly unhappy with my last statement. “Why would you stay with Ryan?”
I stroke her cheek with my thumb, still in fucking shock that I can be intimate with her. “Because I want to make sure we do this right, that’s why. I don’t want to jump into things too soon and then have you grow sick of me.”
“Not possible.” She shakes her head.
“Still,” I press a gentle kiss against her lips, “this is important to me, Rory. You’ve quickly become a permanent fixture in my life, and I’ll be damned if I screw this up like everything else in my life.”
“Stryder.” Her hand moves to my cheek where I lean intohertouch, eyes closed, thanking whoever wants to listen for this chance. “You do not screw everything up.”
Not wanting to get into that part of my life, I say, “Please, Rory. Please allow me to date you, to show you the kind of man I can be for you, to give you everything you deserve and more.”
Not answering right away, she takes a few deep breaths before nodding. “I’ll hate that you’re over there when you can be with me, but okay.”
Smiling, I lean down and place a soft kiss against her lips.
Fuck, I’m so happy right now, happier than I think I’ve ever been. When I first saw Rory across the deck playing pool, I knew there was something special about her, I could see it in her kind eyes, but never did I think I would be a recipient of those eyes staring at me with such adoration.
Even though I’m a happy-as-shit motherfucker right now, I do need to know something, and I can’t hold my tongue. “Can I ask you something?”
She shifts below me and nods. “Anything.”
“Why me? Why now?”
Keeping close, hoping the connection of our bodies reminds her how great we are together, I wait.
Biting on her lower lip, she considers her answer. “It just happened over time. There were small moments that brought me closer and closer to you, and then it was like it just hit me. This crush I had turned into something so much more than I could comprehend. I knew if I didn’t at least try to see where it would go, I would regret it.” She chews on the side of her mouth and then says, “I dressed up for you tonight hoping you would make a move. I was so nervous and afraid that maybe you didn’t see me the same way I saw you.Seeyou. It was why I was so hot and cold with you. I don’t think I’ve ever been this shy with a guy before.”
Shy?Rory didn’t think I felt the same way? Well, fuck, I guess I did a better job at hiding my feelings than I thought, because at times, I could feel myself pressing too hard, demanding too much from her.
Not wanting to give away everything, because I don’t want to scare her away, I simply say, “You had nothing to worry about. The feeling is completely mutual. And you didn’t have to dress up for me. I like you in a dress and in your sweats, and both turn me on.”
Her eyes widen and then a sinister smile crosses her face as she starts to move her hand down my body. I catch it before it can do any real damage.
“Don’t even think about it. I said I want to date you, so that means keeping your hands to yourself.”You are a fucking moron.That’s my cock telling me off, because it has been a very long time since he’s seen any action.Fucking moron.
She lifts a quizzical eyebrow at me. “Stryder, we just dry-humped to climax against the apartment door, so I’m pretty sure we’re past the wholekeep your hands to yourselfroutine.”
That door will never look the same to me ever again. If she ever moves, I’m taking that door with me.
Shaking my head, I say, “Momentary lapse of judgment. Plus your scar still needs to heal. Think of it as a chance to get to know me better.”
“Are you telling me you’re going to hold out on me?”
I kiss the tip of her nose and fall to the mattress, cuddling her close to my chest. Whispering in her ear, I say, “Believe me, this will be much harder on me than it will be on you.”
“You don’t have to be a gentleman with me, Stryder.”
I’m not dumb, I know she is aware of my reputation, of the man I was when she met me, of the man I was when she was dating Colby. But with her, I’m different, and I want different things. I don’t want her body alone; I want her mind and her soul.
I kiss the side of her head and whisper, “For the first time in my life, Rory, I want to be the gentleman you deserve.”
“What if you’re already what I think I deserve? What if you already check off every box on my list?” She turns into me, hand to my chest. “You don’t have to prove anything to me, Stryder. I like you for who you are, not for who you can be, or who you’re striving to be. I like the layers that made you into the man you are, lying next to me, gorgeous and battered with a side of baggage locked up tight. I like that you are rough around the edges, a little jagged, and gruff at times, because I know, deep in my heart, under all the bravado and scars, there is a beautiful man who cares so deeply about not only me, but my family and friends, and that’s what matters to me. I don’t need to be courted. I like you . . . for you.” She pats my chest, right above my wildly beating heart.
If I weren’t already madly in love with this woman, I would be now. She makes me feel whole, worth something, a contradiction to everything my father has ever said to me.
And when the time comes that I can tell her that, when I can tell her I’ve been in love with her for a long time, I’m going to make it my mission to show her she’s the reason I’ve been able to remember what breathing feels like. She’s the reason I see the vibrancy of the world around me.
