Page 8 of The Downside of Love
His comment makes me straight up laugh out loud, throwing my head back, the sound so fake in my ears. “Not that bad?” I swirl the amber liquid in my glass around a few times before continuing. “You can’t say that unless you’re in my position. You have no fucking clue how bad it is for me.” I down the rest of my drink and signal the bartender for another. “He didn’t even come to my graduation,” I sputter out. Hatred for my father is now beyond consuming. I can’t think about him without becoming enraged.He didn’t fucking come. Too ashamed. Bastard.
“He was upset.”
He was upset.Fuck that shit. I’m his goddamn son, and he didn’t have the decency to show up to my graduation. No one did. I stood there, on the football field, empty as a fucking shell as everyone else around me had someone cheering them on, supporting them.
I had no one.
Ihaveno one.
I point toward the end of the bar, swaying. Catching myself before falling off the bar stool, I say, “If you’re going to defend his actions, then you can get the fuck away from me.”
He sighs heavily. “I’m just saying he was upset. Everyone in the family has become a fighter pilot, Stryder.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I yell, pointing at my chest, drawing unwanted attention my way from others in the bar. “Believe me, I know more than anyone how I’m the one and only Sheppard boy who didn’t make flight school. I think about it every damn day, especially when I’m performing my shitty job instead of learning how to fly a goddamn plane.” I push my hand through my wet hair, sweaty from the alcohol I’ve consumed.
It’s routine now. Wake up, work out, go to work, leave work, drink until I can forget, until I feel so incredibly numb that making my way back to my parents’ house doesn’t feel as painful as it usually is.
Since Shane is in town right now, he’s been my driver for the past few nights. I’m beginning to think he doesn’t mind making the trip. That or he enjoys badgering me just like my father.
It might be the second reason.
“Dude, you’re going to have to get over this at some point. You know that, right?”
I point to my chest. “Me? Get over it? Fuck, man, I wish I could get over it. I’m begging to get over it, but Dad won’t allowthat. He reminds me daily what a huge disappointment I am to him.”
It’s daily. Every time I’m in the same room as him. He sneers, he makes a rude remark; he tells me what a waste of breath I am. The only reason I’m still living under his roof is because I have no other place to go.
“Maybe you need to move out.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. But Dad won’t let me live with the scrubs on base despite how much he hates me, and because apartments are so damn expensive, I can’t make it work. Not going to happen.”
“What about friends? Can you crash with them for a while? At least give you and Dad some distance?”
“Hardie and Joey are both in fucking flight school. So is Colby, who I haven’t talked to since graduation. High school friends are doing their own thing.” I shake my head. I have no one. I was once the life of every party. The auto-invite friend. The guy who was never left alone. But now? No one gives a fuck. I’m theloser who didn’t make it into flight school. Just as my dad reminds me. I have no one.
“Not even an old girlfriend or fling?”
Like a fling would really let me . . .
Unless . . .
She’s not afling, but would she let me stay with her?
Hmm . . .
“What’s that look mean?” Shane asks as I pull my phone from my pocket.
“I think I know someone who would take me in.”
“Yeah?”
I nod and start typing away, hoping it’s not too late to ask her.
I down the rest of my drink and order another one, grateful for the weekend coming up tomorrow, because I have at least five more drinks waiting for me, calling my name.Notblacking out isn’t an option. I need to forget everything, and thank fuck, Shane is already here to pick me up off the floor. And I won’t feel fucking guilty about that. Bottoms up!
* * *
“Stryder?”
