Page 63 of The Downside of Love
“I . . . I . . . think I might like Stryder.”
The truth falls out of my mouth, allowing myself to accept what my heart has been trying to tell me.
“Oh.” My mom blinks her eyes a few times. “You like Stryder?”
I nod, tears falling down my cheeks. “Like, really like him.” I wipe away a stray tear.
“And are you afraid he might not like you?”
“No . . . I mean . . . maybe. But that’s not what’s really making me lose my mind. I mean, I’m so emotional lately, Mom. When I’m around him, I’m either so incredibly happy that I think I might burst, or I’m so full of guilt that it starts to eat me alive.”
“Guilt? Why? Because of Colby?” I nod, more tears streaming down my cheeks. “Honey, you shouldn’t feel guilty about Colby. It’s been months since you broke up. You’re allowed to move on.”
“But with his best friend?” I shake my head. “It’s not . . . right.”
“Says who?”
A little shocked and caught off guard from my mom’s blasé attitude, I say, “Well, I mean . . . society.”
My mom quirks an eyebrow at me in question. “Society?”
“Yeah, you know, there is that unspoken rule about not dating your ex’s friends, especially their best friend.”
“Tell me this.” My mom places her hand on mine. “If Stryder wasn’t Colby’s friend and you met him randomly, then would you go for it?”
I bite my bottom lip and think about it, considering what it would have been like if I met Stryder without Colby, if I met him first. I would have been intimidated, because where Colby is handsome, Stryder is striking. And where Colby was mysterious, Stryder has a heavy dose of swagger that would have been difficult for me to get past.
But I do think I would have talked to him, and no doubt in my mind, I would have been swept up into his little world, curious as to who the real Stryder is, what’s beneath his strong façade.
“You would, wouldn’t you?” my mom answers for me. I slowly nod, admitting the truth. “So don’t let the friendship Stryder has with Colby interfere. You said they don’t even really talk anymore, right?”
“Yeah, they don’t talk at all.”
Patting my hand again, my mom says, “Honey, people drift apart when they enter new chapters of their lives. Colby and Stryder went their opposite ways. It’s sad to see, but you can’t base your life off a relationship from the past. They’ve moved on, and I think you should too.”
I shake my head. “But he hasn’t moved on.”
“Who?”
I reach into my purse and pull out another letter from Colby that I’ve yet to open. Eyeing the envelope, my mom sighs, shoulders slumping in what seems like disappointment. “Have you read it?” I shake my head.
“Don’t.”
“Don’t?” I ask.
“No, because what good is it going to do?” I shrug my shoulders, and she continues. “Tell me this, will Colby ever change his profession?”
He offered to, but I knew that was wrong.“He belongs in the sky,” I answer, knowing how much he truly does.
“Then what’s the point of reading his words again? He can’t be near you, so you’re just hurting yourself over and over again, ripping open a wound, never letting it heal. It’s like you’re punishing yourself for a very brave and loving decision. I loved Colby, he was the sweetest boy, but he has to realize that your lives are going in separate directions now.”
I play with my fork and voice a thought I’ve had forming in my head for a little while. “I’m also confused at him.”
“At who? Colby?” I nod. “Why?”
“Because,” I flick the letter, “he’s made time to send me these letters, but didn’t call his best friend. I know a friendship goes both ways, but Colby knew Stryder was hurting. Just doesn’t seem like him.”
“Oh honey, you can’t get in the middle of their friendship. You can’t control what they do. All you can think about is if Stryder is worth it.”
