Page 33 of The Downside of Love
“It was a fucked-up night consisting of me spiraling out of control, once again. I got shitfaced, acted like a complete douche, and tried to pick a fight with anyone that came my way, Hardie’s dog included. Try to imagine a drunk-off-his-ass man telling a French bulldog to stop looking at him. Not my finest moment.” God, I hate that I just fucking told her that.
When I glance up, I expect to see judgment in her eyes, but instead, there is understanding. I don’t think she’s ever judged me.How is that possible?
“Do you miss him?” she asks, throwing me for a loop.
“Colby?” She nods. “I don’t know, do you?”
Looking up carefully, I study her, my breath caught in my lungs, looking for any indication that maybe she’s still head over heels in love with him. “I’ll always miss him. He was a big part of my life for a small period of time. As a pilot in the Air Force, he’s tied to the sky, whereas I’m tied here. There are still times when Bryan needs me by his side, and I don't resent that. And I want someone who will stay. With me. So, I’ve come to accept that and am working on getting past the loss.” She takes a deep breath, as if to affirm her reasoning. A tiny sliver of me unknots, loosening the tightening in my chest. But I’m terrified to admit thatanymember of the Air Force, in any military branch, is expected to relocate when called. Not just pilots.That could be me.“I did the right thing, Stryder. I did the right thing for Colby. He had clung to his dream for so many years, and I'm glad I let him go to pursue that. And I know I did the right thing for me. My family needs me here, so this is where I'll stay.”
How fucked up is it that I love her even more for how selfless she was. Shediddo the right thing.
Continuing she says, “I don’t want it to be awkward for us, Stryder. I don’t want Colby to be something that hangs over us. You and Colby were best friends, and I hope that eventually you'll be able to get that back with him. But please don't worry about what I might be feeling.”
“What are you feeling?”
Taking the last bite of her sandwich, she chews before answering. “What am I really supposed to say to that? He was my first love. For a point in my life, I truly thought he would be my forever, but I know that isn’t a reality now. Do I think about him every now and then? Of course, but that’s bound to happen. But with each passing day, I feel myself grow stronger and stronger.”
“And you think you’ll be able to get over him?”
She doesn’t answer right away, but when she does, her answer does nothing for the painful yearning I have for her. “I hope so.”
Chapter Eleven
RORY
It had to be done. He had to be talked about, because without bringing Colby into our developing friendship, I don’t think we could every truly relax around each other, and that’s what I want with Stryder. I want him to feel comfortable around me without feeling as though he’s walking on eggshells.
What I wasn’t expecting was for him to tell me he hasn’t talked to Colby since graduation.
I knew Colby and Stryder were on thin ice after Stryder found out he didn’t make flight school, but I wasn’t aware they stopped talking to each other altogether.
I pull into the parking spot next to the track and put my little VW bug in park. Turning to a very cramped Stryder, I chuckle and say, “Maybe we can take your car next time.”
“Why would you want to do that? I like driving with my knees pressing into my chest.” He opens the door and unfolds his large body. From my position in the driver’s seat, I can see him stretch his arms over his head, revealing the same patch of skin I saw last night, but this time, my eyes go to the prominent bulge in his shorts, the light fabric wrapping around his thickness. Nothing is defined, but from what I can tell, he’s well endowed and that drives a shiver down my spine.
Blushing, I turn away, ashamed for staring, chastising myself for even letting myself get caught up in the moment of being eye level with his crotch.
I shouldn’t be looking.
Giving myself a few seconds, I snag my clipboard from behind me and exit the vehicle. After I’ve locked the car, I head toward Stryder, who has his hands pressed against the back of his neck, his biceps impossibly large straining the fabric of his shirt, as he surveys the land. All male, a finely toned athletic man with an air of darkness swirling around him.
“Is there anything I need to know before helping out?”
Pulling my gaze away from him—because honestly, why the hell am I staring?—I say, “There are a few athletes with autism, and their parents help out a lot, a few athletes with Down Syndrome, and then a few who are developmentally delayed. They are all really easygoing and love being outside. I wouldn’t treat them any differently than you would your friends, minus the swearing and all that.”
He slowly nods. “So no saying fuck and pussy.”
I snort and cough at the same time, the sound rather ugly but uncontrollable. “Oh my God, definitely no saying fuck or pussy.”
Turning slightly, eyebrow raised he says, “Huh, never thought the word pussy would come out of your mouth.”
I pat him on the shoulder. “Way worse has come out of my mouth, believe me.”
His eyes narrow and the side of his jaw ticks, lips pursed. He doesn’t say anything, just grunts and follows closely behind. Wincing, I wonder how he must have taken that. I meant swear words, but I felt like it came out more seductively, maybe hinting toward the bedroom.
Another blush creeps over my cheeks. Jeez, I need to get control of myself. Especially since this is the first time Stryder will be meeting Bryan. Realizing I should probably give him a heads-up, I turn around and walk backward while saying, “I forgot to mention, when you meet Bryan, just act normal but no loud noises.”
“I can do that.” Biting his bottom lip, he wiggles his eyebrows at me and says, “Think he’ll like me?”
