Page 103 of The Downside of Love
“Can I ask you something?” she asks while putting a big forkful of pancakes in her mouth.
“Am I going to like what you’re going to ask me?”
“Probably not, but I’m going to ask you anyway.”
I prepare myself by snagging a piece of bacon. “Okay, ask.”
“What was the difference between Colby and Stryder? I’m not trying to be a dick here, but it almost seems like you fell in love with them for the same reason. They needed someone to love, and you needed someone to love, to take care of. Was there a big difference between the two of them?”
I take another bite of my pancakes and mull over my answer. There was a huge difference, at least in my eyes.
“There was a difference. Colby was a challenge, an onion I had to peel away the layers of in order to find the heart of him. He was,” I pause and look toward the window, remembering him, “reserved and reluctant for so long, but once he let himself love, it was a beautiful thing. I slowly started to see him unfold and be the man beneath the tough exterior. There was something so . . . magical about being the person who helped him do that.”
“That makes sense.”
“But with Stryder . . . He wore his heart on his sleeve and only covered it with a thin jacket, and if you looked close enough, if you looked for all the signs, you could see right through that jacket. He wasn’t a challenge; he wasn’t someone I had to pick apart to find the man I knew he could be.
“Yes, he was desperate for love . . . my love. He was protective, kind and caring, and would do just about anything to make me happy, including hook me up with his best friend. We shared a different kind of love. Where Colby and I learned about each other through distance and letters, a whimsical romance at best, Stryder and I got to know each other on a much deeper basis. We lived together. I saw him at his worst. And even at his worst, he was such a sweet and beautiful man.”
I take a breath and will back the tears. “Our love wasn’t filled with asweep you off your feetromance. It had major bumps. We found a way to live with each other, merge our lives together, appreciate one another for who we are, and not just an idea we had of one another. He knows everything about me. He knows what I look like in the morning after a rough night of cramps. He knows what I sound like when I get angry or frustrated with him. And he knows the smile I wear when I’m knee-deep in pure happiness while watching my brother thrive on his own.”
“Your love with Stryder is real,” Ryan says. “It’s been ugly at times. There have been highs and lows, but it’s genuine, built on a foundation of appreciation for one another, a friendship.”
Tears well up in my eyes again as I nod in agreement. “It was built on a friendship.”
“And friendship is the strongest foundation for long-lasting love.”
My lip trembles. “That’s what I thought.” Why is it Ryan can understand this, but the man I love with my whole heart, has no clue?How can he just throw us away? Throw me away . . .
Chapter Twenty-Seven
COLBY
“You look like shit.” Bent, my friend and squadron leader, pops through my hotel door, Cup of Noodles in one hand and a fork in the other. He takes a seat next to me on the small, uncomfortable couch and props his feet on the coffee table. “Want to talk about it?”
“No.”
He pokes me with his fork. “You can’t pull that one-worded shit with me. You know it makes me more annoying. Spill.”
“I don’t want to fucking talk about it.” I uncap my Gatorade, take a sip, and then cap it again.
“Okay, well then you asked for it.” He slurps noodles into his mouth.Slurp. Slurp. Slurp.So goddamn loud. “I know it’s not your grandpa, because you were more sad about him.”Slurp. Slurp. Slurp.“And now you have this crease between your eyes the size of the Grand Canyon, which causes me to believe it has something to do with the friend you met up with last night.”
I’m silent.
“Silence does nothing but egg me on. So it’s about the friend. Good to know. I could tell by your eye twitch.”
I feel like my eye has been twitching the moment I saw Rory and Stryder together.
“And it has to do with him being with your girl, yeah?”Slurp. Slurp. Slurp. “That would put me down in the dumps as well. Doesn’t mean you have to be a dick up in the air. You snapped at Colt today, and he cried the rest of the afternoon.”
“He did not.”
“How would you know? You stormed away after the debrief. Colt cried for at least an hour after.”
“Shut the fuck up.” The smallest of smirks pulls at the corner of my lip. Colt is the most sensitive out of the four of us, so I can only imagine what a cry fest would be like for him.
Catching my smirk, Bent pokes my cheek with his fork. “Knew you couldn’t scowl that entire time. Now fucking talk to me, and don’t make me bend over backwards to get it out of you. We have an early fucking morning, and I have no time to sit here and babysit you. We need to be mentally clear in the sky, so get it the fuck out.”
