Page 32 of The Downside of Love
Colby.
I should have realized mentioning jumping would remind her of him. Hell, that was the beginning of the end for them. I remember that day like it was yesterday.
I was in such a goddamn awful mood. After being stripped bare by my father the night before, I went to the airfield, craving that sense of freedom I knew I wouldn’t get anywhere else. I never expected to see Colby and Rory. No, I’d been doing everything to avoid them, because at that point, I knew I was hopelessly obsessed with my best friend’s girlfriend. And also on that day, I was jealous of my best friend’s future, because it was supposed to be mine too.Wewere going to go to flight school.Wewere going to fly the skies together like we’d done everything else together during the last four years.Wewere supposed to be leaving Colorado Fucking Springs.Wewere supposed to find our freedom.
And theretheywere, happy as fuck, holding hands and about to do a couple’s jump. It was a kick to the gut I couldn’t quite swallow. I wanted nothing more than to drive away—as far away as possible—but then I saw the trepidation in Rory’s eyes, the nerves. Even though she wasn’t mine to care for, I felt this burning need to be there for her, to make sure nothing went wrong and she had the best time.
I wanted to be present for her first jump. I wanted to see if she felt like I felt when I was floating through the clouds.
And she had.
God, she’d had the same fucking dreamy look in her eyes after we landed that I have after every jump. She got it.
She got me, even if she hadn’t realized it.
It was just another nail to my forever bleeding heart.She loved skydiving. But she’d never be mine.
Before that day, I’d considered her my best friend’s girlfriend. I helped her with Colby’s birthday and we hung out a few times, but nothing made me think she actually cared about me.
That day, I realized I was more to her than Colby’s best friend.Imattered to her and that just about destroyed me. I liked it better knowing that I was nothing more than her boyfriend’s friend.
But I was more.
So much more.
Clearing my throat, I stare at my plate and say, “Sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”
“No.” She shakes her head, waving her hand in front of me. “Don’t apologize. I feel like maybe we should discuss it, you know, get it out in the open.”
“Get what out in the open?”
Looking up at me through those impossibly long lashes she says, “I dated your best friend.”
Newsflash, already knew that. Believe me, I’ve cursed every morning I’ve woken up with the knowledge that she dated my best friend.
“Kind of aware.” I chuckle, adding a little humor to the tension building between us.
“I know, I just feel like we haven’t talked about it.”
I take a bite of apple. “Didn’t think we needed to.”
Thoughtfully she tilts her head to the side and studies me. “When was the last time you talked to Colby?”
“Does it matter?”
She nods. “It does.”
Sighing, I lean back in my chair and play with an apple slice, head tilted down. “Graduation night. We went back to my place, drank, and then I left the next morning, spent a few weeks at Hardie’s house until his parents kicked me out for being a disrespectful dickhead. Not my best moment.” I rub my face with my hand. “It’s too hard, Rory, to talk to him. It’s too hard to talk to any of them, but mainly Colby, because I know the path he’s on is one I so desperately wanted for myself. I feel as if I don’t have any real direction anymore. It burns me.”
“What about Hardie and Joey?”
“Occasionally, but that’s still painful. I talk to Hardie every once in a while but that’s just to make up for punching a hole in his parents’ wall after a drunken tirade. He keeps tabs on me.”
“You punched a hole in their wall?”
Shifting in my seat, I look at the clock and say, “I think we should get going.”
“We have time.” Of course she wouldn’t make it easy on me.
