Page 2 of The Downside of Love
When he reaches me, all I can see is the broken, hardenedboyI met five and a half years ago. I pull him into a hug and clasp him on the back.
And that one gesture—the familiarity of my former best friend, someone who mattered, whom I respected—brings me to my damn knees.
“I’m so sorry, man,” I say gruffly. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”
Although, I know mysorryis for more than the loss of Gramps. It’s for so much more.
He lost a friend.
He lost a brother.
And now he’s lost a great man, his greatest advocate.
“Thank you,” he whispers. “Thank you for coming today.”
I adjust my cover and say, “He was my hero as well. Even though you two were obviously closer, I still looked up to Gramps and tried to do right by him.”
“And are you?” he asks.
I nod. “I am. He would hopefully be proud.” Lies, all fucking lies, but I can’t tell him the truth here, on the soil where one of the greatest men I ever knew is being buried. So I lie through my teeth, speaking highly of the person I’ve become even though just under the surface I feel like a hollow man.
“Good.” He looks toward the guys waiting for him, and says, “I’m heading over to the reception where they’re going to pass Gramps’s medals to me for safe keeping. Would you like to come? It’s at the funeral home.”
I pull on the back of my neck. This is uncomfortable. Maybe I shouldn’t have come. “Fuck, I wish I could, but I have to get into work. I barely got this time off.”Mostof that is the truth.
“I understand,” he says, looking around, anywhere but my eyes. “I’m going to be in town for a few months. I’m on TDY here in the Springs. Could we get a drink? Catch up?”
I’ve been telling myself this was what was going to happen. That he was going to want to catch up at some point now that he’s in town, and it’s one of the reasons I came today, because there is something I can’t keep from him anymore.
He needs to know.
“Yeah. I think we should.”Not a conversation I want to have, but one that needs to be had.
“Okay, I’ll text you. Same number?”
“Same number.” I pull him into a hug one last time, salute him, and then walk away. I hate feeling this thick tension between us.But it’s time he knew the truth.
Chapter One
STRYDER
Two years ago . . .
This is exactly what I need.
To let loose.
To shake off the orderly and demanding life I’ve been living for the past twenty-one years. Since birth, it’s beenthe military lifefor me. From moving around from base to base, to early morning inspections by my father, to being held at a higher standard than the rest of the kids my age. It’s been drilled into me—who I’m supposed to be, and what I’m supposed to do.
And I need a fucking break. I need this week off with my friends to relax and have a good fucking time. Maybe meet someone and release some of the tension that’s been building up at the base of my spine.
“Not bad, huh?” I say, taking a sip of my beer. “This place is dope. I wonder how many bedrooms it has.”
Colby stands stiffly next to me, his shoulders just about touching his ears, he’s so tense, and his movements are rigid and awkward. He’s so out of his element. I knew it would be a long shot getting him here, but I didn’t think about what it would be like once I actually got him to the party.
It’s going to take a lot more to coax him into having a good time. That’s for damn sure.
“Not sure, but I bet they’ll be full tonight.” His eyes scan the living room, his gaze taking in our opulent surroundings. I know what he’s doing. He’s checking all the exits, making sure there are multiple ways to leave in case of an emergency. It’s what he does in every space we’re in.
