Page 89 of The Upside of Falling
“She will come around, Colby. She will. Just keep writing.”
I nod, my voice too tight to speak any words.
Just keep writing.
It was the only thing Gramps and I could think to do that would keep me connected to her, to let her know that even though I might be far away, she’s still close in my heart.
“Thanks, Gramps.”
After another long hug, the nurse who has been so great to Gramps, Janice, takes a few pics for us, some of Gramps and me, some with Stryder, and some of all three of us together. Gramps holds his phone close to his chest, so goddamn proud. And he’s proud of us both. I didn’t miss the tear that fell from Stryder’s eyes when Gramps held him as close as he had held me. When my lifeline whispered words of wisdom and pride into my best friend’s heart and mind.“You still have an impressive future ahead of you, Stryder. You graduated from the United States Air Force Academy, so hold your head high. Be the incredible man I know you’re meant to be. I’m so proud of you both.”
“I’ll show everyone back at the home these pictures. Thank you for the most special day of my life.” He gives me one last hug, wishes Stryder good luck with a handshake, and then takes off with Janice down a ramp, leaving Stryder and me by ourselves.
With a clap to my back, he says, “Ready to get wasted?”
“More than you know.”
* * *
Dear Rory,
I remember what the day before I met you felt like.
It felt like every other day of my life. Like I was on autopilot, going through the motions, but never really taking in how blue the sky was, the whip of the wind off the Rockies, or the feel of the sun beating down on me, even on a crisp winter’s day.
My senses were turned off, not experiencing, but functioning enough to get me through my days.
I liked it that way, being desensitized from the world. It worked for me, because when I took the time to actually feel, it’s when I got hurt the most. So I blocked everything out.
That was until you came around.
Do you know what day I remember more vividly than any other day in my life? More than the day my dad died? More than the day Ted destroyed my prized possession? More than the day I graduated, my Gramps by my side, pride beaming from his eyes?
It’s the day I met you.
More specifically, the moment I saw you.
It was like the world stopped spinning, the party around me faded into the background, and someone above turned on every sensor in my body.
I swear I could smell your lavender scent from where I stood. I could hear your laugh, and only your laugh. I could taste your sweetness on my tongue from feet away. I could tell your touch was something that would wake my bones, lift me to a new level I wasn’t ready for.
And yet, I let myself indulge. I gave myself a few minutes with you, soaking in every piece of you, and that last piece connected with the puzzle of my life making me whole.
You might not believe it, you might think that we are done, but I know we are far from over. There is so much more to be written about our love story, and to hell if I’m going to let you believe otherwise.
I want you to know I love you, more than life itself, and one day, Rory, one day I’ll make you mine again. Until that day, I will write.
I will continue to write you until there is no more ink in my proverbial pen, because my love for you is endless.
All I ask from you is that you read these letters and keep them close to your heart.
I love you with everything in me, and there will never be a day that goes by when I’m in that cockpit that I don’t think about you. There will never be a night that passes by that I won’t wish you were in my arms. And there will never be a moment I breathe without wishing we were sharing the same air, rather than living miles apart.
I love you, Rory.
Colby
P.S. The attached picture is of Stryder and me at graduation. I wish you could have been there.
