Page 87 of The Upside of Falling
I’ll beg him to stay with me forever.
Lifting my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes, he says, “We are always worth it. You and me, Rory, we are worth it.”
I shake my head, tears spilling from my eyes. “No, Colby. We’re not. I’m s-sorry, but you need to go.”
“I’m not going anywhere, not until we work through this.”
“There is nothing to work through.” I take a step back. “You’re going to flight school. I’m staying here. Let’s just call it like it is and move on.” I let out a long breath. “I never should have pursued you. I should have left you alone, because now I’ve filled you with an empty outlook on a future when the one planned for you is full of so much promise.” I put more distance between us and go to my front door where I grip the handle. “You are going to flight school.”
“I’m staying here,” he says with more conviction.
Getting frustrated, wanting this to end, I decide to cut him.He needs this. He needs to fight for his dreams.“You’re going to stay here, huh?” I nod. “Okay, perfect. Just what Ted wanted, for you to fail, for you to become nothing.”
“Not nothing.” His brow pinches. “Fuck, don’t you see the worth in us?”
I easily see the worth in the bond we share. It’s beautiful, it’s meaningful, and it’s full of endless love that makes us both willing to give something up for the other. But I can’t share that, I can only think it, believe in it, as I say my next words.
I shake my head. “I see a college romance that isn’t going to last past your first reassignment.”
Caught off guard, he sucks in a sharp breath, his expression finally growing angry.Finally.“You don’t think we could make it past a reassignment?”
“No. I don’t. You might think we’re strong enough, but we’re not. I need someone here for me, not someone who’s going to move in two years. No matter what, Colby, you’re going to leave me. I was stupid and naïve to think otherwise.” Opening the door, I dip my head low and say, “You need to go.”
“So just like that, you’re going to end things?”
“Yes.” The word tumbles out of me faster than I expected.
Not saying a word, Colby retrieves his cap and walks toward me, stopping when he’s inches from where I stand. “I’m willing to give up everything for you, Rory. Why won’t you let me?”
Sniffling, I wipe a stray tear across my cheek and take one last glance up at Colby. “Because you deserve more than the average life I can offer you.”
“You’re anything but average.” His voice is deep, raspy, hurt.
“But average is all I have in me.” Because I want one more taste, I stand on my toes, reach up, and grip Colby’s cheek, bringing him closer to me where I plant a light kiss across his lips. It’s soft and quick and ends just as fast as it started. When I pull away, I say, “Defer if you want, that is your choice, but this right here, this is our final goodbye.”
“Don’t do this, Rory.” His voice cracks along with my heart.No. Not cracked. My heart has been obliterated.
“Be the man I know you are, Colby. Don’t give in to your fear, become your dream. For the both of us, become your dream.” Stepping aside, I give Colby room to walk out but he doesn’t move. He stands still, staring at me, looking for answers.
So I give him one. “If you love me, if you truly love me, you will walk out of this door, and you will forget about this world I live in. Because . . . you don’t belong in it.”
Jaw pulsing, his hand clenches around his cap, his knuckles turning white. “Don’t fucking say that, Rory. Don’t fucking say things you don’t mean.”
Mustering every last ounce of courage I have, I say, “I would never say anything I don’t mean.” Swallowing past the giant lump in my throat, I fold my arms over my chest. “Go, Colby.”
He drags his hand through his hair, distress in the slump of his shoulders, in the way he weakly steps forward.
With his body halfway out the door, his gaze cast toward the hallway, he tersely says, “You might think this is over, Rory. But it’s not. It’s far from over.”
And with one last parting glance from his soulful eyes, he leaves my apartment and my life . . . forever.
Chapter Thirty-Two
COLBY
This should be the happiest day of my life, at least one of them. Surrounded by my fellow cadets, decked out in our dress blues, white hats on our heads, and the next chapter of our lives about to be written.
I’ve dreamt of this day. I’ve imagined it so many times, throwing my cap into the air as the Thunderbirds fly over the football stadium, cheering with everyone, knowing we did it and we’re on our way to accomplish so much more than just taking on a job—also serving our country.
