Page 82 of The Upside of Falling
When we get to my apartment, we walk up the stairs in silence, both lie down on the bed, and stare at the cracked, plastered ceiling, our hands still linked.
Before the quiet can settle over us, Colby clears his throat and says, “That’s what you were talking about in your letters?”
“Yes.”
“And it happens often?”
Keeping my gaze toward the ceiling, I say, “Not often, but often enough that it makes taking him out in public hard. There are days where he’s completely fine, but whenever we’re out, it feels like we’re on pins and needles, waiting for something to throw him off, something to scare him. And when it doesn’t happen, it’s a good day, but when it does, we take care of business and try to make him comfortable.”
“And what happens when your parents get too old to take care of Bryan?”
I lick my lips, the knowledge of my future coming to the forefront of my mind. “Then I will take care of him.” I haven’t spoken to my parents about who will take care of Bryan when, God forbid, something happens to them. I know my responsibility, and it sits heavily on me. But it’s one I will gladly take on.
“By yourself?”
I nod. “Yes. He’s my brother. I won’t ever leave him.”
And just like that, the truth hits us both hard in the chest.
Swallowing hard, I change the subject. “Stryder told me you guys got your orders.”
“Let’s not talk about that right now.” He turns and pulls me into his chest, snuggling closely.
“Just tell me, Colby.”
He’s quiet for a second, and the anticipation of what he’s going to say is about to kill me. He’s seen the reality of my life firsthand now. Today he was here to love me, to support me, to walk the linewithBryan. But when he goes, when he leaves and isn’t home each weekend, I’ll be right back where I started. Alone. That he’s not staying is crushing my heart, which is already so fragile from the last hour. It doesn’t matter what he says when he opens his mouth. Not really. Regardless, the writing is on the wall. This won’t work between us. I can’t leave here and he can’t stay. I want him with me all the time, not in snatches of precious moments. And I’ll never get that.
“Oklahoma. I leave after graduation.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, my heart slowly breaking in half, cracking piece by piece in my chest. I have a few weeks left with Colby before he has to leave. And then what?
What happens after that?
Chapter Thirty
COLBY
“What is going on with you today?” Gramps asks, scoring another thirty points in Scrabble, while I can’t seem to score anything higher than ten.
I lean back in my chair, not bothering to make my next move. We both know it’s going to be a shitty three-letter word scoring me nothing.
“When you fell in love with Grandma, would you have done anything for her?”
“Anything,” Gramps answers quickly, sitting back as well. “That woman was my world. The moment I saw her, I knew I was supposed to marry her, that she was brought into my life for one reason, to be my wife.” Gramps shakes his head. “It took some convincing though. She was a tough one to crack, but worth the wait, worth the challenge. Why? Does this have to do with Rory? You better not have broken up with her.” Gramps gives me a warning glare.
“I didn’t break up with her.” I smooth out a wrinkle on my shirt. “Fuck, I would never do that.”
“Then why the question?”
“Remember how I told you about her brother, Bryan? How he has autism?”
Gramps strokes his jaw. “I vaguely remember you saying something like that.”
“Well, he had a meltdown the other day.” I recollect seeing Bryan all battered in the corner, scared and upset. It fucking destroyed me. I’ve spent enough time with Bryan over the past few months to consider him my brother as well, and to see him so distraught really upset me, to the point that it’s all I could think about. That and Rory, and the huge undertaking she’ll have if something happens to her parents.
“Oh no, is he okay?”
“He is now, but at the time, it was bad. He hurt himself, giving himself a bloody nose, and he’s almost unreachable when he’s in that state. We were out skydiving when her mom called for Rory’s help. Thankfully we were already on the ground, but we rushed to get there.” I take a sip of my drink and say, “Rory was trying to put on a calm face but I could tell she was shook up. She was more subdued than usual and kept gnawing on her lip, worrying, texting her mom after. This must happen more often than she tells me.”
