Page 75 of The Upside of Falling
I spoke with my manager, and he’s going to see if we can work more Barre classes into the schedule, because it seems to be popular.
Eeep, I’m excited.
Can’t wait to see you this weekend. I’ve never been to Seven Falls . . . ever! Isn’t that crazy? And I’ve lived here my whole life. There were things we didn’t do, because we didn’t want Bryan to feel uncomfortable. But I’m excited to go with you and the gang.
I love you.
Rory
Dear Rory,
Worthless.
I hate that fucking word.
But it’s a word I live with on a daily basis. It’s a word I’ve been called numerous times not only by Ted, but at the academy during basic military training. It’s a way to break down the cadets so we can put them back together.
I’ve never used it. I’ve never called anyone worthless, not even Ted, because even though he treated me like shit, my mom and his patients love him. There is unseen worth in him, so perhaps it’s there in all of us.
I need to remind myself that worth differs from person to person. You, fuck. You’re everything worthy. You’re a shining beacon directing me forward, guiding me with every jaw-dropping smile you give me. Stryder is full of worth, and despite what his father thinks, he’s so goddamn smart. Hardie and Joey, they’re not only valued in my eyes because of their friendship, but they have giving souls, always volunteering. Before my dad got sick, he always tried to build me up and tell me I was worthy of love and happiness. I lost that when he died, but Gramps tried to carry that torch. We know how that worked out. But you, you’re showing me my worth as a man.
But Ted, his worth is different. His worth is a lesson.
And his lesson to me is that even though his words and his iron fists still live deep in my soul to this day, I know I will never be like him, ever.
Because his abuse will eventually fade, but his disgusting, black heart will be forever.
Thank you for listening to me and writing to me. I miss you, Rory.
And fuck do I love you.
Colby
Dear Colby,
Guess what I’m wearing?
Your Colorado Rockies sweatshirt. Thank you for letting me steal it from you. It smells like you and it’s big and warm and reminds me of being in your arms.
It’s the little things.
Which is what I’ve come to realize. It’s the little things that matter the most, especially with us. Like the good morning texts, our short FaceTime conversations, and these letters. Even though we only see each other on the weekends, and sometimes not every weekend, it feels like we’re closer than ever.
Does it feel like that to you?
I’ve never felt this close to another person before. I feel like I know every last piece of you, and I wonder if it’s because we’ve given ourselves time to talk. The physical aspect of our relationship doesn’t exist five days out of the seven, and we’ve replaced it by communicating with our hearts.
To me, that’s special. And I freaking love your heart.
My mom was asking about you the other day. She really likes you. This is embarrassing, but she called you a “swell” guy when I was talking to her. I should have told her she wouldn’t think that if she heard the things you said to me in the bedroom. She would most likely turn a ghostly shade of white and then pass out.
Everyone thinks you’re this big teddy bear, but I know you, Colby Brooks. You’re freaking dirty, and I love it.
I can’t wait for spring break. It’s so close. You better be staying with me instead of Stryder. You hear me? This is your last break before graduation, and I want you for all of that time.
You’re mine.
I love you.
