Page 58 of Somewhere Only We Know
We dodged a couple of kids dribbling a soccer ball and broke apart for a second before coming back together to hold hands. “We have. And it’s going to continue to get messed up,” I said.
“What do you mean?” Lucky’s face was turned up to mine, the brim of her hat pushed far back enough so that I could see her eyes. They were open and curious.
“I think human history is, in essence, sad. Since the beginning of time, we’ve been stuck in this cycle of abuse and suffering,” I said.
She was quiet for a second. I wondered where she fit into this history. What her life was actually like. Was it glamorous as it appeared on her social media, full of first-class flights and free clothes? Or was it more of a miserable prison? She wasn’t here with me because her life was all Instagram vacays. Maybe it was something in between.
“Do you really think we’re stuck?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, look at us right now. We’ve had wars. We still have wars. Weneverstop being terrible.”
She made a face. “Yes, I can’t deny awful things have happened throughout history. Unspeakable, terrible stuff that still continues to happen. But I think itdoeshappen less.”
“That’s not quantifiable, though.” It was so obnoxious of me to say that, but not untrue.
“No, but I have abrain,” she said, walking quickly ahead. Fueled by self-righteousness, it seemed. “And even without a list of statistics right in front of me, I could say the quality of life and general safety of human beings is, oh, ever soslightlybetter than the dark ages?”
“Ever so slightly,” I said with a small smile, trying to keep up with her. “By the way, do you know where we’re going?”
“No!” she said.
“’Kay, just checking,” I said. “Keep going straight until we hit the water.”
“Fine,” she clipped. “Anyway. I’m not some Pollyanna. Things are messed up. Human beings are both evolving and devolving constantly.We found the cure for polio but also we have automatic assault rifles. I get it. But I don’t find any value in like, cynicism.”
“Are you low-key insulting me right now?” I asked, amused and not offended somehow. I caught up to her so that we were now walking in step, back near the luxury stores, the crowds growing thicker.
“No.” She paused. “Maybe. I understand cynicism. I just don’t think it’s very valuable at the end of the day.” She slid an inscrutable glance at me, and I was trying to find a way to defend my jaded worldview when she pointed a finger in the air. “Human beings are messed up. But we are not beyond fixing!”
“Oh my God,” I said with a laugh. “What is happening right now?”
“You got me on a roll!” she exclaimed.
“Are you running for president?”
“No. But I could,” she said with a huff.
I imagined future Lucky doing great things, even greater things than she was doing now, and it suddenly struck me that I wouldn’t see Lucky tomorrow, let alone future Lucky. That this was the only Lucky I would ever see in real life.
The clock would strike midnight, and she’d be gone forever.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
LUCKY
I could be president.
Once, when I was twelve, I said, “I could be a K-pop star.” And I did it.
What happened since then? Why did I, at some point, whenI achieved that exact goal, stop thinking I could do anything I wanted to do? Here I was, dispensing life-coach stuff to Jack, when I was kind of mired in the same fears myself.
Had I changed? Did what I want from music, from the K-pop industry, change? It didn’t matter, though, because the industry would never change.
The energy I felt earlier kind of zapped out of me.
We walked past a Porsche dealership where men in tuxedos were standing outside with trays of champagne proffered to potential buyers. The crowds were getting louder, so we grew quieter.
Then I heard the faint, soothing sound of flutes. It grew louder as we walked until we came across the source: a group of older women in track suits doing tai chi in a giant courtyard surrounded by various fancy stores. A small wireless speaker was playing the flute music at the front of the group where one woman in a raspberry-colored sweatshirt was leading them.
