Page 55 of Somewhere Only We Know
It was like she punched me in the chest. Because what I did was the opposite of witnessing love. It was witnessing adultery. Someone popping into rehab. Decadence and excess. People either at the lowest point in their lives or at their worst.
“It’s a job to get by,” I said with a shrug. Feigning nonchalance. But as I said the words, it occurred to me that with this story, this could turn into more than a job to get by. That I would be committing to rising in the ranks of tabloid photojournalism. And only yesterday, that had felt exciting. And now? It felt flimsy. I shifted in my seat uncomfortably.
Lucky munched on a cookie thoughtfully before she spoke. “Well, then maybe you can build your portfolio with these wedding photos and apply to photography programs!”
I could see the gears turning in her brain. She was already envisioning some future for me that allowed me to have dreams. I swallowed hard at the lump in my throat. No one had ever been excited for my future before.
“My parents won’t be down for that,” I said. “Can you imagine Korean parents paying for you to study photography for four years?”
Confusion clouded her expression. “Yeah, I can?”
Right. Her parents probably helped pay for her entrance into K-pop. It wasn’t cheap—all the training before you were even signed on to alabel. Vocal coaches, dance classes, the works. Not to mention all the travel abroad.
I sighed. “Well, some of us don’t have the progressive-thinking kind of immigrant parents. Mine are very firmly in the camp of, we work this hard so you can have a stable future. No-nonsense.”
Lucky frowned. “But stability doesn’t have to be some path you don’t want. Who says photography can’t be stable? You could do the wedding stuff and do the kind of photography you want on the side.”
I smiled. “Have you ever seen thatOnionheadline? ‘Find The Thing You’re Most Passionate About, Then Do It On Nights And Weekends For The Rest Of Your Life’? That’s probably what I’m destined to do.”
“Well, that’s bleak,” she said with a huff, dusting the cookie crumbs off her hands. “No one says it’seasyto turn your passion into a job. You just have to believe you can do it.”
There was something bothering me in this pep talk right now. Not only the slightly self-righteous delusion of it. But what it meant coming fromher. If she believed in this, why was she with me today?
She was avoiding something.
I looked her in the eye. “What if you turn your passion into a job, and it stops giving you joy? Haven’t you ruined something you used to love?”
I held my breath. I was pushing it.
Her face transformed. A kind of cold wall went up in her expression and her shoulders pulled back. An aura of aloof untouchableness dropped like a curtain over her entire being. It was startling. This was Lucky with the media.
“Well, I don’t know. You should cross that bridge when you come to it, right?” Her voice was cool, her expression neutral.
Something felt lost then. No more warmth, no excitement. Nobelief in me. I regretted having to ask her that question, at having ulterior motives for it.
I knew this was a job, but I couldn’t lose her now. I needed to salvage the situation.
“Want to watch a movie?”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
LUCKY
Jack was someone I recognized in my industry. Someone with drive, smarts, and natural instincts. But also someone who was sabotaging himself out of fear.
He found excuses not to do the thing he wanted to do. I wanted to shake him, to show him that he could. I didn’t know what kind of photographer he was, but that was almost beside the point. The one thing I’d learned from four years in K-pop was that hard work trumped talent on any given day.
I wanted to dig in deeper, but his last question froze up something in me. It was almost like my skin turned translucent and he could see everything inside and for the umpteenth time that day, alarm bells were going off.
I simply couldn’t figure outwhatthey were warning me about.
“A movie?” I asked.
“Yeah, the theater’s next door. They’ll have popcorn.” He grinned.
Hm.
He shook his head at my hesitation. “I was kidding. How in the world could you possibly eat right now?”
