Page 89 of Somewhere Only We Know
Trevor laughed. “Excuse me?”
Lucky deserved better than this. Her words echoed in my head:You’re too terrified to try anything.
She was right. I had taken this path because it was easy. It was safe. The work kept me at a distance from caring about anything. I let my fear of becoming like my dad keep me from figuring out whoIwanted to become.
For the first time in my entire life, I saw things so clearly.
When I walked out of his office, I heard Trevor yelling behind me—that I’d never get work at any tabloid again, that I wasthroughin Hong Kong media.
I kept walking.
Out of this office.
Down the elevators.
Through the lobby.
Into the Hong Kong night.
SUNDAY
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
LUCKY
When I landed at LAX Sunday morning, the fans were waiting for me. They had been anticipating this for months.The Later Tonight Showwas a red-letter date with its own countdown on my official website.
I was wearing sunglasses along with a baseball cap. Sunglasses to hide the fact that, despite being bone tired, I hadn’t been able to sleep on my flight over. And the pink wig was back on.
As expected, I had gotten chewed out by Joseph when I got back to my hotel in Hong Kong.
“Do you have any idea what you put us through?” His yelling vibrated through the hotel room. Ji-Yeon covered her ears, her expression surprisingly blasédespite the fact that Joseph never yelled.
“I’m sorry.” My voice was almost a whisper.
Ji-Yeon looked at me with concern. “Are you okay? Did anything bad happen?”
She never fussed over me like that and I had bit my lip to hold back tears. I was so sick of crying already. I shook my head. “I’m fine.”
“Of course she’s fine!” Joseph roared. “She had her day of fun. With aboy. Hours before the freakingLater Tonight Show!”
The boy. I didn’t want to think about the boy. Ever again.
I got a thorough reprimanding from Joseph, complete with threats to drop me from the management label and of siccing higher security detail on me.
When I had finally crawled into bed later, every molecule in my body felt defeated. The day’s revelations and discoveries were tainted in something embarrassing and pathetic. I took my meds and fell asleep minutes later only to be woken up at the crack of dawn for my flight.
That extra security Joseph promised was in full effect as I walked through LAX. I drew my baseball cap lower on my head, but it was no use. What was the point of this hat? So I wouldn’t get photographed? Everyone knew it was me.
My exasperation intensified with each step I took. First I took off my sunglasses. The crowd roared with screams as I tucked them into my T-shirt.
Ren threw me a look, but didn’t say anything.
Then I slowed my walking, taking time to wave to the fans. Behind the barricades, they were holding up signs with my name on them. Wearing my concert T-shirts. Crying.
I stopped in my tracks and Ren bumped into me. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I said. “Give me a few extra seconds.” Before he couldrespond, I walked over to the fans, causing another wave of screams. I reached to give outstretched hands high fives, bumped fists, grazed fingertips. Each touch and connection bolstered me. Zapped into my being.You did this. You created this. You are in charge of this.
