Page 78 of Even After This
I feel sick.
I know better than to jump to conclusions, but I hurled myself off the cliff without a parachute anyway.
“You’re a good daddy,” I whisper.
“Olivia’s family is in Denver. I’ve spent the last six weeks traveling back and forth with Alex in tow. My director wasn’t pleased with me. We moved her dad twice. Alex got sick. Olivia kept calling, and she was a complete mess every time I picked up the phone.”
Leaning forward to rest my forehead on the steering wheel, I shake my head. I failed him. He needed support from me, and instead I distanced myself.
He runs a hand over his face. “He passed away, and the funeral was Tuesday. I didn’t know if Olivia could still handle having Alex for Thanksgiving, but I didn’t want to cancel on you.”
I sit up and ask gently, “Why didn’t you say something?”
“I thought about it, but you were a little skittish before leaving Colorado. And I didn’t want Olivia seeping into our new relationship. I was trying to protect you.” He presses against the headrest but turns his head to look at me. “And none of that matters because your last image of me was with her.”
“She’s going to be in your life long-term, Harlan. Whoever you decide to have a relationship with will need to understand this and learn to cope.”
“Whoever I decide...” A dark expression covers his face before he masks it.
“This all sounds like a nightmare for you,” I say. “I wish I had known, just so I could have listened. Been a friend.”
“Whoever I decide to have a relationship with isyou, Meredith.” He shakes his head, then looks at me, sincere and imploring. “I messed up. I should have told you everything. Right from the beginning. I’m so sorry.”
I nod, conflicted. He just told me he wanted to be in a relationship with me, and he apologized. But something is warring behind his eyes.
“But, Meredith,” he says. It’s not a tone I’ve heard from him. It’s frustrated, almost impatient. “I’m having a hard time right now understanding why you ghosted me.”
Almost offended at the thought, I say, “I didn’t ghost you.”
“You absolutely did.” I open my mouth to deny it, but he continues. “You didn’t respond to my texts. You didn’t return my calls. You made assumptions and you stopped talking to me.”
“It wasn’t like I pulled something out of a hat. I had good reason to think what I did.”
“Meredith.” He rubs his forehead, and it’s obvious he’s trying to calm his tone. “Why didn’t you just ask me?”
My chest rises and falls with heavy breaths. Guilt slinks into the memory of the day I saw him holding Olivia. I should have. I should have found the courage to ask him.
“I—” Tears hit the backs of my eyes. “I was afraid it was true. I was afraid that my feelings for you were one-sided and that the embrace with Olivia meant something else. So if I didn’t talk to you, I didn’t have to hear you say it first. I could just go on with my life.”
His tone shifts to compassion with a slightly drawn-out “Sweetheart.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t trust you,” I say with a watery smile. “And I’m sorry I ghosted you.”
He cups my face and runs his thumb across my cheek. When he pulls back, he raises a finger as if to tell me to pause, takes his cell out of his back pocket, and presses a few commands on the screen.
The iconic sound of ABBA fills my car, and the background singers ask me to take a chance on them. Without breaking eye contact, I slide my phone out of my coat pocket and answer. “Hello?”
“I miss you. I just wanted to hear your voice. I’ve booked my ticket for Thanksgiving and can’t wait to see you.” Harlan gifts me with a full smile and shining eyes. He holds his finger up again. “Don’t move.”
Opening his car door, he shoves the phone back into his pocket. Through the rearview mirror, I watch him stalk around the back of the vehicle, and my belly does giddy flip-flops. He raps on my window three times.
I smile like an idiot as I open the door.
The smooth mover leans across me, presses my seat belt release button, and orders gently, “Hop on out, sweetheart.”
The next thing I know, Harlan slides his arms around my waist and pulls me into a tight embrace. A low groan fills my ear, and something in me stirs.
I stand on my tiptoes and wrap my arms around his shoulders.
