Page 31 of Even After This
In spite of Harlan’s warning, I’m caught off guard by her disdain. My face flushes with embarrassment at the public scene, but I’m more upset she’s chastising me with Alex as the audience. I plaster a smile on my face. “Hi. You must be Olivia. My name is Meredith.”
Alex claps her hands. “Merweradith.”
“Whatever.” Olivia’s eyes roll in disgust. “Do you have Alex’s bag?”
Is she threatened by me? I’m nobody. I’m the babysitter for the day.
These are new waters, ones I’m unsure how to navigate. I stay on the shore and pray for safety. “Her backpack’s right here. We were about to go use the potty and sit down for lunch. Alex has had the best time—”
“Listen, I don’t know who you are,Meredith”—her emphasis on my name drips with condescension—“but I don’t want a rundown on what my daughter needs from someone who clearly should go get children of her own.”
I hear the sound of my gasp, but my world stops.
My bottom lip starts to quiver. No doubt those around us can pick up the sound of my heart cracking, but if it isn’t audible, blood should be spilling out of me any minute now.
In one long moment, I take in a labored breath and ask my emotions to do something for me. I ask them to wait. Beg them to wait. As I gulp down the knot in my throat, my damp eyes meet Olivia’s.
Unable to mask the tremor in my voice, I strain for a gracious tone. “I’m so sorry. There’s been a misunderstanding. I’m just a friend who wanted to help out. Alex and I have had a wonderful time today. You’re raising an amazing little girl.”
Olivia’s glare doesn’t soften, and she exhales through her nose like a bull about to charge in the rodeo ring.
We stand in loaded silence, and I’m not sure what else to do or say. My emotional dam is about to break, and the impending tears don’t care where they flood.
I fix my attention on Harlan’s daughter. “Alex, I had a blast with you today. Thank you for hanging out with me. Have so much fun with your mommy.”
She flings herself at me, causing Olivia to step forward and allow the awkward embrace.
Her tight, earnest hug slays me.
I need to escape to an isolated location, because my impending meltdown isn’t going to be pretty.
Olivia grabs the backpack from my hand and huffs as she walks away.
Heading to the nearest exhibit, I swipe away teardrops and search for a secluded spot. When I discover no one in the vicinity of the moose habitat, I give myself permission to let go.
Olivia spewed unfair judgment, yes. But this explosion of feelings has been building the last few days. I shoved down too much, and everything is coming to the surface with a vengeance. Grief found me. It even waited on me. And it will wait no longer.
My emotional pain manifests into physical. Clutching the railing with one hand, I grab my writhing stomach with the other.
Why did I come here? Why did I think this trip would be valuable?Why was I stupid enough to believe there was something for me here?
I’m spiraling down to the Bad Place at an alarming speed.
Think,Meredith.I suck in a choppy breath. Hot tears stream through my closed eyes and down my cheeks.
Molly. Tell Molly.
My touchstone.
I reach inside my purse, grasp the accordion folder, run my thumb across the folds, then release it. After fumbling for my phone, I drop my purse on the ground. My vision starts to blur as I scramble to text my flare for help. A flower emoji. Our symbol that tells Molly I’m not okay.
Her response is immediate.
Loving you.
A few seconds later, my cell buzzes again.
You can do this.
