Page 171 of The Shards of Ophelia
I wasn’t supposed to come here today—I had only a few minutes to spare between meetings—but I needed his steady presence. I needed to tell him what had been on my mind.
“Hi,” I said, sliding my fingers between his as I had numerous times before. His didn’t tighten back.
Spirits, this was a conversation I didn’t want to have, but I’d been talking to him every day and night, and I’d run out of updates and nonsense to spew. It was time I got the heavy words off my chest. I took a deep breath and watched the rumpled strands of his hair catch the light, smoothing them out.
“I don’t really know how to begin this. I hope you can hear me, though.” I waited, biting my bottom lip, but he didn’t so much as twitch. “Maybe it’s better that you can’t interrupt me.” I tried to laugh, but the sound was as lifeless as the cavern his injury had opened in my chest.
“You’ve been by my side through more than I could have asked, and you never thought to leave me. You pushed me when I tried to run, carried me when I couldn’t stand, and somehow always knew the difference between the two, even when I didn’t.” A tear tracked down my cheek as every warm memory of the two of us cascaded through my mind, our own personal story.
I was not done writing it.
“But beyond that, you’re strong, you’ve got the deepest soul of anyone I’ve ever known, and you’re adamnimpressive warrior. I’ve never been more sure of anything than I am of you, Tolek.”
A steadying breath.
“I meant everything that I said to you before the Battle of Damenal. None of it was brought on by the lust of the moment, none of it was influenced by what we were doing—I need you to know that I was not coerced at all. I’d thought about it—you—for weeks, and it was what I wanted. What I want.”
I thought of his hands warm against my body, his lips pressed fervently to mine, so much life poured into those moments. And I didn’t regret any of it. Not a single kiss or touch.
But I’d gotten lost in the passion ofus, all the while forgetting the broken pieces ofmefloating through the world, leaves caught on the wind. Tol was my own gift from the Angels, but his true power was in repairing me. This time, I could not rely on him for that.
It was not fair to either of us.
“It’s you and me, Vincienzo. From here on out, there will be no one else. But…” I inhaled, almost too afraid to finish the speech I’d rehearsed, but waking or sleeping he deserved to know where I stood. He deserved more than half of a person, and I deserved to become whole again.
“I’m not sure what I can give yet. I need to take my time. To move slowly. I’m not sure what my heart can handle, but…I’d like to find out with you.” In my memory, his thumb dragged slowly along my hip, his lips pressed softly to my forehead, and I remembered the way my heart stitched back together in his presence.
“You told me no matter what I decided, you’d be here forever. And I decided, Tolek Vincienzo—I want you. So, I need you to wake up.” My voice turned pleading, breaking on sobs timed to his heartbeat. “Ineedyou to come back to me so we can have that infinity you promised.”
My chest seized with the tears trying to break free, each a splinter in my lungs. Tol was lodged there with them, a part of me I would never feel right without. He was woven into my life, my being, nestled between my bones.My infinite tether.
“Please, Tol. Please, you can’t leave me. Life is so much darker without you in it. And you’ve had so much darkness yourself, you deserve to see the light.”
I brushed his hair back from his brow, tangling my fingers in thesoft strands. Bending forward, I pressed a firm kiss to his forehead, closed my eyes for a few seconds, and breathed in the spicy citrus scent that was my home.
Then, I left.
But at the door, I turned back one last time and whispered, “Don’t keep me waiting, Vincienzo. Infinitely mine, remember?”
