Page 43 of Eleanor & Grey
Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I took a deep breath. I had been given permission to express myself wholeheartedly. What a freeing thing that was to have.
EGSage:I think that’s it. That’s everything I’m feeling.
GreyHoops87:Do you want my reply?
EGSage:No, not now. Not yet. I just needed to get it all out, I think. So if we could do anything but talk about sad stuff, that would make me feel better.
GreyHoops87:OK.
GreyHoops87:So what did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
EGSage:What?
GreyHoops87:Dam.
I smiled.
Thank you, Grey.
* * *
FROM: [email protected]
DATE: April29, 10:54 PM
SUBJECT: I know you said
Ellie,
I know you said you didn’t need my reply, but being the stubborn guy that I am, I wanted to email you after our talk tonight. I just wanted you to know that you’re not too sad for me. If anything, you are the perfect amount of sad, because you are going through a really shitty thing. Honestly, I would feel a bit scared if you were happy.
And you don’t have to push me away. You aren’t too much for me. I want to be there for you, and I’m not going to stop just because you tell me to. This is what being my friend means. It means me being too much sometimes, me checking in on you and wanting to know about the bad days. It means when you’re drowning, I drown too.
It’s OK for you to lean on me, even if I’m a thousand miles away. Also, and I cannot make this clear enough: You not wanting your mom to suffer doesn’t mean you are evil in any way, shape, or form.
If anything, it makes you a good person because you don’t want your loved one to hurt anymore.
That’s not a monster—it’s a saint.
Don’t let those thoughts eat you up at night.
You’re a good person, Eleanor Gable.
And if you ever forget, just check for my emails.
I’ll be there to remind you.
Grey
15Eleanor
On a quiet afternoon after I returned home from school, Mom and Dad were sitting outside near the ocean, looking out at the waves crashing against the shore.
I walked toward them and smiled. Dad looked at me, his eyes dripping with tears, and my smile quickly disappeared. “What is it?” I asked.
Dad couldn’t even speak.
