Page 145 of Eleanor & Grey
I looked at my daughter and gave her a smile. “I used to do the same after she passed. And I felt the same way. Like there was something she was trying to say to us, but I couldn’t even figure it out.”
“Why didn’t you guys just ask her?” Lorelai questioned, confused. “I ask Mommy stuff all the time, and she answers.”
I smiled at Lorelai, and I truly hoped that gift she had to hold on to her mother would never disappear. I pulled her closer to my side. “For some people it’s easier, I guess, Lorelai. Some people are able to hold a very tight relationship with their loved ones after they’ve passed away.”
“Yeah, Mom and I are best friends,” she frankly stated. “You should try just talking to her.”
“How do you do it, Lorelai?” Karla asked. “How do you talk to her and know that she hears you?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “You just gotta believe.”
Karla took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “Hey, Mom, it’s me, Karla. I just wanted to say that I miss you a lot. Every day, and it never really gets easier. I miss your bad jokes, and your laughter, and your terrible taste in music. I miss how you could make my bad days better. And how you could stop me from hurting whenever someone was mean to me.” Tears started rolling down her cheeks, and I wiped them away as she kept talking. “And I miss hugging you. I miss hugging you so much, but Dad’s been doing a pretty good job of being there lately for the hugs. So yeah. We’re not OK with you gone, but we’re OK. We’re looking out for each other, and I just wanted you to know that. We’re OK, and I love you.”
She opened her eyes and wiped the tears away.
“See, Karla?” Lorelai whispered. “Did you hear it?”
“Hear what?”
“Mommy said she loves you too.”
And for the first time in over a year, I think Karla finally felt her mother’s words.
* * *
“You knew her before?” Karla asked as she walked into my office the evening after Christmas. She held an envelope in her hands and fidgeted with her fingers. Nicole always said Karla got that nervous habit from me.
“Knew who?”
“Eleanor. You knew her before she was the nanny?”
Just hearing her name made my chest tighten a bit. “Yeah, when we were in high school.”
“She was your girlfriend?”
“Well, no, not exactly.”
“So she was just a friend?”
I brushed my hand against the back of my neck. “No. Not exactly.”
“You’re confusing me,” she said, arching her eyebrow.
“I know. It’s just hard to explain what exactly we were. She was her, I was me, and we were us. There was no label for it. We were just two people helping each other breathe.”
She nodded. She sat in the chair across from me. “That’s what she said too.”
“What do you mean, that’s what she said?”
“Um, I wanted you to read this.” She laid the envelope down on my desk. “It’s from Eleanor. She wrote it to me the nightshe left and slipped it under my door. I didn’t read it until last night, and I think you should read it too.”
She sat back in her chair, patiently waiting as I opened the envelope. Inside was a letter and photograph that I couldn’t take my eyes away from.
It was Eleanor and me, the night of the homecoming dance. We both looked so young and completely unaware of where our lives would take us. We were so happy, so free.
“That was an ugly suit,” Karla mentioned, making me snicker.
“Yeah, well, back in my day, it was pretty dope.”
