Page 108 of Someone To Stay

Laughter catches in my throat as emotion wells up. At the start of all this, I was terrified of needing anyone, convinced that being strong meant standing alone. I was certain that if I let Felix in, I’d be setting myself up for the kind of hurt I’d felt when Bradley shattered everything I thought I wanted.

Real strength, I’ve learned, is trusting someone with your whole messy heart and believing they’ll hold it carefully. It’s swaying on a dance floor with a sleepy toddler and a three-legged dog, and building a life with the mountain of a man who sees the sharp edges I use to protect myself and loves me anyway. Felix softens those edges, and maybe even loves me more because of them.

In a few days, we’ll move into the Denver house that’s become ours instead of just his. I helped choose the living room furniture and the artwork for the walls. We’ve already filled Ellie’s room with books and toys and the kind of chaos that comes with a two-year-old who knows she’s loved. I don’t know yet what I’ll do about work—whether I’ll go back to nursing or try something new—but for the first time, that uncertainty doesn’t feel like failure. It feels like possibility.

We might argue about wallpaper patterns and which takeout place is best. Felix will probably buy a whole bunch more stuff we don’t need for the baby, and I’ll pretend to beannoyed while secretly loving every ridiculous purchase. We’ll have hard days and sleepless nights and moments where we wonder what the hell we’re doing.

But we’re also going to be happy, even when it’s messy and imperfect and nothing like what either of us planned.

Ellie’s eyes have drifted shut, her breathing slow and steady against Felix’s neck. Another slow ballad plays as the reception continues around us. There’s laughter and conversation and the clink of glasses raised in celebration. Sadie catches my eye across the dance floor. She mouths “I love you,” and I mouth it back, grateful beyond words for the sister who raised me. Who gave me roots and wings and the courage to find my way here.

Felix pulls me closer, our daughter tucked between us, and I let myself sink into this moment. He’s my husband, and this is our family. It’s the life we’re choosing, one imperfect day at a time.

“Hey, Barlowe?” I whisper.

“Yeah, Hart?”

“I’m really glad you’re my person.”

His smile is brilliant and beautiful and aimed directly at me, the same way it was the day he crashed a wedding to make sure I didn’t have to face it alone. “Back at you, sweetheart. Right back at you.”