Page 86 of Knot That Pucking Scent: Part One
“T-Timber…I’m…” he croaks, but I shake my head again.
“Don’t say anything. I don’t want to hear it.” I slump back in the chair, looking up at the sky, which has become crystal clear now that the fire has almost died.
Breaths are getting harder as fear and pain burn through me. I hate talking about difficult things. I hate it so much that I staylying in the chair so I don’t have to look at him. I don’t want to give him any space to convince me. I’m so easily swayed that all he needs to do is shed a tear, and I’ll forgive him before beating myself up about it later.
I want to act differently than I did with my ex-wife. I gave her endless chances because I was too scared to admit the truth.
The longer I let it go on with Luke, the more it will hurt in the end. It’s better to do it now, when the urge is still fresh.
Taking another drink, I watch the stars dance and spin above us as I search for a way to tell him how fucked up this is, and how much it fucking aches. I keep everything so bottled up that I can never say the right fucking thing when I really need to.
“I can’t believe you,” I say, sighing heavily through the brain fog. “I told you on the day you arrived what that omega did to me. How she broke into my house, took pictures of me, and stole my things. And you just stayed right where you were.”
I stop, giving him space to answer. I’m going to suffer for this later, both with a hangover and the stricken look on Luke’s face, but I finally have it off my chest.
He doesn't reply, and it makes everything worse. Maybe I hear him sniffle; maybe it’s something in the trees. I hate how he doesn’t have some kind of joke, that he’s being as serious about it as I am.
“I’ve been watching you,” I slur. “I’ve been waiting for you to show me I can’t trust you… I just want a reason, Luke…” I groan. “Give me a reason to hate you…Why did you have to act as if you care about me instead of being out to get me?”
Each word takes more effort to say than the last. But I’m doing it for myself, even though I want to give in and comfort him.
My arms are heavy, and the glass is slipping from my hand as I sank back on my chair.
“I’m sorry, Timber. I do care…I think you’re…” Luke’s voice cracks before he cuts himself off, dipping his head. “I’m so sorry for lying, but I—”
Shaking my head, I stop him. I can’t listen anymore. Not when I feel like this.
He could really mean it, but I’m drunk and tired, and I don’t know what the hell is going on anymore. If I have to choose between him and his sister, am I going to choose the one who jumped on me the moment she met me, or the one who had been lying to me since we first met? And why am I still thinking about choices when I don’t want an omega at all?
“I can explain, Timber. I mean, there’s a reason why… I promise you I didn’t mean to—”
“Luke,” I say, my exhaustion seeping into my voice as I turn to look at him. “Don’t make excuses.”
He freezes, and guilt chews at me for scaring my omega. But the alcohol has gotten to me, and I don’t want to stop myself.
I blow out a long sigh. I can’t tell if the darkness in my vision is because the fire has fully died or my eyes are closed.
“You’re so unfair,” I slur.
My hand falls, and my body becomes weightless. “You don’t even know what you’re doing to me…” I murmur as the darkness grows heavier and my head tips to the side. “You don’t even know how I feel…”
A hazy awareness floats around me of the sound of his chair creaking to my left, slight footsteps, and my chair shifting. I think I can feel Luke’s presence, but it’s only when he lays his hand on my chest that I know he’s there.
This is my chance to see what he will do, to see how he’d take advantage of me. After I shared all of that with him, now he’ll show me what kind of person he is.
But sleep is taking me, and I can’t hold on.
I groan as his fingers wrap through mine, and he eases the wine glass from my hand.
Everything is so huge and shaking that I don’t want to move. I just lie there and feel the chair supporting me as Luke peers over me.
I think he cups my cheek, and I hear a pained whine that stabs my heart as something heavy presses on me.
“Timber,” he whispers as something rubs on my chest, like he’s nuzzling me.
I growl low, warning him off, and he replies with a whimper, but it’s what I want. I want proof that he’s going to take advantage of me.
The pressure releases, and Luke’s breath flutters over my face as he squeezes my hand and leans closer.
“I’m so sorry, Timber,” he murmurs, and I swear his lips brush my forehead before the slow haziness of the night takes me as I drift into sleep.
