Page 116 of Twisted Deceit

What mattered was that we stood back up. Maybe covered in defeat, maybe burning for better outcomes. But we stood back up on two feet either way.

Showing the world, even if it was one person, that life went on, that there was hope at the end of the tunnel, by showing back up, over and over again.

Life could push me down again and again. But between Dr. Shaw, Dawn and Jasper alone, I wouldn’t fail. I would thrive. Iwould become something. Possibly I’d become someone's hero.

My hero was Jasper.

All of this wouldn’t have been a thing if it weren’t for him. He pushed me when I needed to be pushed. He helped when I needed a hand. And he gave me rules to follow, to not just better myself, but to make other’s lives better too.

I still had work to do on myself. I was learning to love myself for who I was. I learned to grieve the boy I was forced to be. And I was learning that I had wants and desires, and it was normal.

“I think,” Jasper mused, wrapping me in his arms. “Since you gained back some of the weight you lost, and you haven’t had an attack in over three months,” that was because he made sure I took all my meds, ate meals and slept well every single day. “We’d try something new.”

“Like what?” I melted into his embrace.

The only thing I had issues with was having sex. I wanted to so badly, and although we tried a few times, I’d end up freaking out and then we’d just cuddle and lay there until we talked to each other to sleep.

It was okay to panic. It sucked, and I still cried, but it was okay.

“You get to top me. For you, my little dove, I’ll try. I know how hard you’ve beenwanting that intimacy. And it hasn’t worked. Which isn’t your fault. So when the time comes and it feels right, you have my permission. I’ll teach you how to touch me. I’ll teach you how to press into me and give me the pleasure I wish to give you. I’ll give you the control to make love to me.”

“When the mood strikes.”

“When the mood strikes,” he repeated. “And only then. I’m in no rush. We have our entire lives to get to that point. In the meantime, there’s so many other ways to enjoy sex. As long as we have each other.”

“As long as you keep me.”

“Forever, little dove.”

THE END