Page 91 of Badd Love
"No," I cut in. "Please try to hear me. Yes, it feels good to get a blow job. Really fucking good. When you were doing that, it was great. But I don't need it. Your peace and happiness are the only things that are important to me. If you can't have sex at all, only kiss me and let me hold you, that's okay. I'll be okay."
Her eyes shuttered, and her body shuddered. "Dane. Iwantyou. Ineedyou. I've stopped having nightmares and flashbacks almost entirely. Now all I dream about isyou. The things we did together. The way you made me feel." She opened her eyes and gazed up at me, ice-blue eyes soft and warm and deep. Her fingers fisted into my shirtfront, rumpling the button-down. "I still don't want to let the past dictate what I can and can't do, but I…I guess I’m willing to stick with what I know is safe until I feel able to experiment with you and see how things feel."
I brushed her cheekbone with a thumb. "Just communicate with me, Linz. Be honest. No matter what you're thinking or feeling, just talk to me about it so we can handle it…together.”
"I'm not good at that, historically, but I'll try my best."
CHAPTER 13
Lindsey
Dane took my hand and led me toward the house. "Where are we going?" I asked. "I…I don't know if I can handle your whole family right now, Dane. I'm too emotionally raw."
"I can't either," he said. "We're not going home." He paused. "Well, only long enough for me to change outta this damned monkey suit and grab my keys."
My heart pitter-pattered. "Maybe, um…just grab a change of clothing?" I whispered, feeling oddly nervous to express the totality of what I was feeling.
He smirked at me as we reached a sliding glass door on the side of the house that opened onto a hallway. "Oh? Why's that?"
I bit my lip. "I like the tux."
His smirk morphed into a full grin. "Ohhh, I see."
“You see what?" I demanded.
"You don't want me to take of the tux becauseyouwant to take it off me."
The pitter-patter became a swirl of fluttering things in my belly. "Maybe."
"I thought we agreed you'd be honest with me," he said.
"No, you told me to be honest with you, and I said I'd do my best." I swallowed hard. "I guess I'm having trouble believing that after everything, I can just show up here unannounced and be like, ‘Okay, I'm ready,’ and you're just…fine with it? With everything I've done? How I've treated you this past half a year or whatever? You're not bitter? No part of you is like, fuck that bitch?"
He glanced to the left, where you could see a glimpse of the kitchen, filled with a milling crowd of family, and then tugged me the other way down the hall. We reached the very end of the hall, and he pushed open the last door on the left. His bedroom was neat and tidy. A queen bed took up the middle of the room; there was an ensuite bathroom on the right with a walk-in closet next to it, a bureau, and a desk on the right.
Still not answering my question, he popped into his closet, found a duffel bag, and went to his dresser, shoving a few changes of clothing into it, a few toiletries from the bathroom, and a charger and block for his phone.
That done, he turned to me. "Why would I be mad or bitter, Linz? You didn't do anything to me. You did what you felt you had to do for your mental health. And honestly, I think you did the right thing. Not just for you, but for us."
My legs went wobbly. "What?"
He guided me to his bed, and we sat side by side at the foot. "Look, I know you have feelings for me, Linz. I don't need you to tell me or to say anything. It was obvious you felt things from the get-go. Just like I did. But you…you couldn't handle those feelings. You had too much unresolved other shit. You had no room for your feelings for me. When you told me to leave, I understood that it wasn't because you didn't care about me or want me. You weren't ready. I got that. So yeah, babe, you can show up here unannounced. I wasn't, like, sitting around crying and waiting for you. I mean…" He frowned, tugged at the bowtiearound his throat. "I suppose I was, in a way, but not, like, actively waiting."
"I didn't expect you to wait for me," I said. "So if you, y'know, had a thing with someone else, I'll understand."
Dane looked away, and my heart sank. Despite what I’d said, I would be pretty upset if he had hooked up with someone else.
So much for honesty, I guess?
Dane turned his gaze back to me. "Linz, this won't work if you're not being truthful with yourself and with me about things."
I huffed. "What are you, a fucking mind reader?"
He chuckled. "No. But if you were harboring any ideas of becoming a professional poker player, maybe don't. You have zero poker face."
I snapped my fingers. "Well, damn. There goes that career." I sighed. "Fine. You want the honest truth?"
"Always. Fuck me up, fam."
