Page 76 of Badd Love
"Is someone whoonlyworks as a bartender as their career—Elias, for example—less valuable than…say, Emerson, simply because Emerson was born, through no effort of her own, with a talent and passion for soccer?"
"Well, no, but—
He cut in over me. "Is a plumber less valuable than a painter? Is a retail manager less valuable than a corporate CEO?"
"Uncle Luce, I get your point, but—"
"But what, Dane?” His tone and gaze were both sharp; this was a rare glimpse of strong emotion from Uncle Lucian. “It doesn't apply to you? You're special, somehow? You're less valuable for not having a predetermined life path, but that only applies to you? I'd call that inverse hubris."
I cocked my head, considering the meaning behind his statement. "I mean, I guess I see your point."
"I love photography. I love macrophotography in particular—I love seeing a whole new world through the lens. I do it because I love it—I just happen to be fortunate enough that I can make a decent living doing it. But I'd do it anyway, even if I never made a dime from it. Joss's dream of owning a place like The Garden was born out of her life experiences—it wasn't something she wanted from the jump. You can do things you enjoy just for the enjoyment of them. And you can work a job that's…just a job. That's okay. There's nothing wrong with simply working to pay the bills and finding your fulfillment in life elsewhere. Your family, when that happens. A hobby. A sport. Art. A community choir or theater troop. Whatever.It doesn't fucking matter. You're putting an expectation on yourself that's unfair and unrealistic. Not everyone in this world is going to be born with a predetermined purpose or mission. Joss and the kids are my purpose. Photography is my passion—making money from it is just gravy."
My mind was reeling. It was a stunningly simple shift in perspective, but a massively significant one.
We sat in silence for a while as I processed this. Eventually, Uncle Lucian spoke again.
"You don't need to know exactly where you're going, Dane. You just gotta be moving. Living. Seeking. Creating. Stagnationis the enemy, not a lack of purpose. You're not stagnant—you'researching. And right now, maybe that searchisyour purpose. Take the pressure off yourself, kid. Stop thinking you need to be like Delia, Duncan, and Emerson. You're not them. You'reyou. I know your parents, and I know they want you to just be happy, whatever that looks like."
"I think that's the most I've ever heard you say, Uncle Luce. Like, combined, across my whole life."
He chuckled. "Don't be a turd."
"So you're saying I just need to do what I've been doing?"
"You're a smart, hardworking young man. You'll figure it out. Why do you think your parents aren't worried? They know you'll figure it out."
I nodded, sighing. "That actually does make a massive fucking difference."
"I felt like a fraud for years,” he said. “Even when I was starting to get some name recognition in the area, I felt like people would see through me. I didn't see my photography as a career. It was something I loved doing, and people just happened to want to spend money on it. Running The Garden with Joss was the same for a long time—I felt bad for getting so much meaning from it when it wasn't even my idea. But eventually I realized what I'm telling you. Hopefully, I can save you some heartache by sharing my experience.”
"I think you have, Uncle Luce."
"Then it was all worth it. Now. C'mon. You, me, Goldeneye. Like the old days, huh? Whaddya say?"
I followed him up to the house, but paused before we went inside. "Got any advice for how to convince someone who's scared that it's safe to let herself love me?"
He paused with his hand on the sliding glass door handle, thought for a moment, and looked at me. "Be there when she comes around. If she's scared of it and actively running awayfrom it, then it means she has real feelings; she's just fighting them. There's no guarantee she'll come around, unfortunately, but if she does, be ready."
"Hurry up and wait, huh?"
He nodded. "Wish I had better advice, but yeah, basically. You can't make someone do anything or feel anything or want anything. Someone can love you but be too scared to act on it, and there's nothing you can do about it. I've never been one for thinking ‘Ohhh, it's fate, what's meant for you will come to you,' or whatever. That's not always true, in my experience. But Idobelieve that on the whole, things have a way of working out. Sometimes, it just sucks along the way." He clapped a hand on my back. "Now that I've used up my quota of words for the month on you, it's time to kick your punk ass with Odd Job."
CHAPTER 11
Lindsey
BWAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!The ferry's horn let out a deafening blat, startling me. I was behind the wheel of my Neon, windows open, engine off, legs crossed ankle over ankle out the window and resting on the side mirror as the ferry took us toward Ketchikan.
I couldn't quite believe I was really doing this. I was almost there: Ketchikan. My new home.
After leaving the hospital, I'd gone back to my apartment and spent the rest of the day in a daze, lost in thought, processing everything that had happened. Not just with Danny, but with everything.
Dane.
Our first liaison.
The wedding. How he'd held me when it was all I needed.
