Page 74 of Badd Love
Delia laughed. "Bullshit, brother."
"Fine. I'm still pissed, okay? Like…well…" I shook the postcard. "I haven't heard a peep from her infour fucking months, and then I getthisbullshit outta the blue? You're thinking of me? What does that even mean? Thinking of me how? And why is she in Oregon?" I shook my head. "I just…I've been trying to move on. Trying to not think about her. Staying busy. I even tried going on a date."
"Hooking up, you mean."
"No,” I said, my tone firm. “Adate. It didn't even get past the date part. I got through the appetizer and then realized it just felt wrong, so I made my excuses and left."
"What was your excuse?" She asked.
"I, um…” I winced. "I didn't really make an excuse. I just told her I was sorry and that I had to go."
"Good. Shitty excuses are always transparent. Better to just be honest." She took the joint from me. "So you're still in love with her."
"I mean, I guess. I don't know. I don't want to be. She doesn't feel the same way. Or maybe she does, I dunno. It's all fucked up, and there's nothing I can do about it except just deal with it." I glanced at Delia. “Should you be smoking that?"
She frowned. "I'm not pregnant."
"Aren't you breastfeeding?"
She shook her head, smirking at me. "No, actually. We switched him to formula because he has a fussy tummy. Butthanks for looking out for me." She sounded more amused and affectionate than offended, mostly because she knew I was coming from a loving place, not a judgmental one—I knew she was a damned good mama.
"Oh."
“If she showed up tomorrow and wanted to be with you,” she asked, “what would you say?"
"I honestly can't even imagine. I'd probably get all tongue-tied from having too many things I'd want to say that they'd get all tangled up."
Delia flat-out laughed at this. "You always have something to say, Dane."
"Exactly."
She puffed on the joint again and then handed it back. "You've got it bad, huh?"
"I…y'know, Delia, the honest to god truth is that I'm more worried for her than anything. Like, right now, yeah, I feel shitty about everything. I care about her. I miss her. I want to talk to her. Laugh with her. Other stuff." I hurried on past that part. "But I know that in time, if I never see her or hear from her again, I’ll be okay. I'll get over it, someday, somehow. But Linz? God, she's a beautiful person. On the inside, I mean. Obviously, she's gorgeous, but I mean, who sheisis beautiful. If it's not me, it's fine, but I just hope that she learns how to let someone love her someday. She deserves it."
"Don't we all?"
I shrug. "Maybe not the assholes of the world. Fuck mean people."
Delia makes awell, I don't know about thatface. "Maybe if the assholes of the world had been loved better, they wouldn't be assholes. Maybe not being loved is why they're assholes."
I groaned. "Can't you just let me hate the world's many assholes in peace?"
“Nope. Hating assholes makes you an asshole. The only way to beat assholes at their game is to not be an asshole."
"Wow, DeeDee, thanks for that stunningly brilliant piece of advice."
"Stunningly brilliant…but surprisingly difficult to do regularly."
"Yeah, you're probably right."
"So, choir, huh?"
I shrugged. "I literally just picked it because it filled the hole in my schedule and eliminated a missing elective credit."
"But?" Sis knew me too well.
"But…I'm finding I like it a lot. It's…I dunno. New? Different? I dunno. I highly doubt I'm gonna, like, follow in Canaan and Corin's footsteps and become a musician or anything. I just like singing in the choir, I guess."
