Page 85 of Badd Love
"Dad," Ella said. "Have you met Lindsey yet? Dane's…friend?"
Uncle Bax shook her hand. "No, not yet. I saw Dru making the rounds with you, but she managed to skip me. Guess I'm not important, AM I, DRU?"
"Nope!" Mom shot back without looking, and it wasn't at all clear whether she'd heard what was said or not–not that it mattered.
Bax laughed and then turned his attention back to Lindsey. "So, Lindsey. You're the one who turned our boy Dane's world upside down, huh?"
"DAD!" Ella hissed. "What thefuck?"
Lindsey visibly flinched. "It wasn't my intent."
Bax frowned. "I was fucking with you. Please don't cry. Eva'll kill me if I make you cry."
Lindsey snickered at this. "Afraid of your wife, are you?"
He nodded. "Oh, absolutely. I posit that in any healthy marriage, the man should be a little scared of his wife." He grinned. "Just a little bit, though. Enough to keep you on your toes."
"You're more than a little scared of Mom, Dad. The last time she used your full name, you hid in the garage."
"I did nothide," Bax said, his tone jokingly prim. "I selectively avoided detection."
Lindsey laughed at that. "I think that's the same thing, my dude."
"Have youmetmy wife? She's scary!"
Lindsey shook her head. “Maybe? I dunno. I just told Ella and Dane that I've met a lot of people."
"Uncle Bax," I interrupted. "I was gonna take Lindsey for a walk."
Bax arched an eyebrow. “Take her for a walk? Is she a poodle?" He pretended to scrutinize her. "You don't look like a poodle."
Lindsey shrugged. "Definitely not a poodle. More like some sort of really fucked up mutt. You know, the type you adopt at the shelter because they just look so pathetic?”
Bax laughed. "My kids tried to get me to adopt a dog like that, once. There was some adopt-a-dog thing happening at the park, and there was this super fucked up little thing. Tongue hanging out, one eye was all milky, and it needed to wear diapers. They were like, ohhh, it's so cute!"
"Itwascute!" Ella insisted. "Ugly-cute, but cute."
"It wasnotcute," Bax argued. "It was goddamned horrifying."
Ella gave Lindsey a droll look. “He got us Tamagotchis instead."
Lindsey cackled at this. "Tamagotchis don't shit the carpet."
Bax flung his arms wide. “Thankyou! Someone gets it! Even my wife was like, awwww, Bax, c'mon, everyone needs love."
"Not yappy, drooling little shit-monsters," Lindsey said.
I frowned at her. "Are you anti-dog, Lindsey?"
Lindsey shook her head. “No. I'm anti-annoying dogs that never shut the fuck up and shit and piss everywhere."
Baxter held out his fist, and they tapped knuckles. "I like you. I feel like we're kindred spirits." He narrowed his eyes at her. "Pop quiz: Is the word fuck a verb, noun, adjective, or adverb?"
"Yes,” Lindsey answered without hesitation. “It's also a conjunction and…other, um…grammatical…things."
Bax nodded sagely, as if she'd deposited a nugget of wisdom. He looked at me and clapped me on the shoulder. "Approved."
Lindsey bit her lip to stifle a laugh, and then shot me a look. "Come on, puppy. Time for walkies!” She patted her thigh and whistled twice.
