Page 53 of Badd Love
"Wait, what? Hewas? How doyouknow?"
"Because while you were fucking him, I was fucking his buddy Clint. And Clint was a post-sex chatty Cathy, lemme tell ya. That boylovedgossip. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was gay, he loved the tea that much. And he told me that he knew for a fact that Brutus was diagnosed as bipolar but hated the meds. He'd go on and off them all the time. Sex drive issues is one of the side effects of the medication. Or some of the meds, at least."
"That would explain it. Why wouldn't he tell me, though? I feel bad, now. I never said anything to him, but I had a lot of unkind thoughts about it. He was a sweetheart…some of the time. Other times, he was either a ball of mayhem and chaos or freaking Eeyore. Bipolar makes so much sense of it all.”
"It can be hard to talk about. My aunt was bipolar, and I overheard her talking to Mom about it a few times, about how much of a struggle it can be. Plus, we studied it for my degree."
"Why didn't you live with your aunt when you ran away?" she asked.
"Well, mostly because she was dead by then. Killed herself in a drunk driving accident the year before I ran away—drove into a tree doing sixty in a snowstorm.”
"Shit, I'm sorry to hear that. I had no idea."
I shrugged. "I wasn't close to her because she wasn't close to anyone except Mom, and she and Mom would fight like cats and dogs, not talk to each other for months at a time, and then Aunt Delulu would show up drunk, and she and Mom would go on a bender for a week."
"Aunt Delulu?"
“Her name was Delilah. Mom called her Auntie Delulu to me, and this waswaybefore ‘delulu’ was a thing." I sighed. "The other reason I wouldn't have gone to her was she wouldn't have taken me in. Or if she had, it probably wouldn't have been any better of a living situation. Auntie Delulu wasn't exactly responsible, as evidenced by her manner of death."
"You know,” Rune said, “just when I think I know you, you pop out with something new. You've got more layers than Shrek, girl."
I chuckled. "Right now I'm more like an onion—stinky and no one likes me."
“Okay, well, first of all, that's bullshit on a number of levels, so no. Lots of people like onions, and lots of people like you."
I sighed and tipped sideways on the couch, so my head was on Rune's lap over the blanket. "I know, I know. I'm just wallowing in self-pity."
"I can tell."
I frowned up at her. "What gave it away?"
She stared at me like I'd suggested we shave our heads and become Buddhist monks. "Um, I have eyeballs? You smell like a dead raccoon, also. Furthermore, your apartment resembles an abandoned science lab. Additionally, I talked to Raquel."
"Raquel. Well, Raquel doesn't know everything."
"She, Hamish, and Dane had to have Cousin Jax cyberstalk you because you ghosted everyone and gave them a suicide scare."
"I wasn't—
"I know," she interrupted. "I know. I really do. If only because I hope and pray that if youwerehaving thoughts of self-harm, you'dcallme."
"I just needed to be home, alone, and not answer any goddamned questions."
"You could've just told them that," she said.
"Yeah, well, panic isn't rational, and I was having, like, an extended-release panic attack. I wasn't lucid or rational; I was acting like a fucking nutcase. I just wasn't at risk of self-harm."
“You’re still acting like a fucking nutcase, honey, hate to break it to you." She gestured around. "This isn't just wallowing in self-pity; this is a few steps beyond that. And I say that with all the love in my heart for you—which is a fucking lot."
"I know!" I shouted. "I'm still panicking!" I couldn't stay still anymore; I shot to my feet and paced across the width of the apartment, stabbing my fingers into my knotted, greasy hair; I yanked my hand away and looked at it in disgust, and then pinched a lock of hair and looked at it in horror. "I should just start calling myself Oscar the Grouch, because I'm living that dumpster life, clearly."
Rune followed me across the floor, grabbed me, stopped me, and forced me to look at her. "Linz, what thefuckis going on? I know you didn't want to interrupt my honeymoon—"
"Because you'd have dropped your brand-new hubby and come running, and you deserve happiness, and he gives it to you."
"But if you're going through something serious enough that Raquel had my brother-in-law's cousin—my cousin-in-law, Iguess?—cyber-stalk you because they were that worried about your state of mind, yeah, I need to be there."
“No, you don't, because I'm not a fragile little dumpling, Rune. Yeah, I'm going through some shit. It sucks. I'm in a bad place right now, I'm not gonna lie." I leaned in and wrapped my arms around her. "Yes, I need my bestie, but I love you enough and know my own limits well enough to know that I can deal until you're back. Also, why are you in LA? Why didn't you fly into Ketchikan?"
