Page 39 of Badd Love
"Oh, right. I forgot you don't really know my family. Papa Lucas is…um…technically my…great-uncle? I think? I gotta think about it. He’s basically my grandpa. My actual grandparents are all long gone, dead before I was even a twinkle in Dad's eye."
“Ew."
"Why ew?"
"Because a twinkle in your dad's eye means his eyes were twinkling because he was thinking about putting you inside your mama through his dick."
"Dude, Linz, what the fuck? That'snotwhat that means."
"Sure it is, in a roundabout way."
"Well I'm not using the roundabout way." He shuddered. "I do not need that in my head, woman, Jesus. It's bad enough that my parents are all over each other like white on rice without you putting shit like that in my head. Thank fuckinggodI've never walked in on them."
I laughed. "I walked in on Mom once. Although, in my defense, she had her bedroom door open, and it was three o'clock in the afternoon in July, so sheknewI was around, she just chose to let Barry Godwin bend her over her bed, anyway.I walked in to see this skinny little bald dude with the dangliest ball sack I've ever seen in my life pounding her from behind. That shit is seared into my brain. She was all splayed out over the foot of the bed, and skinny fuckin' Barry was drilling away at her like Ramjet the Rookie. Mom turned to look at me, must've heard something, and just gave me the finger. Barry didn't even know. Just kept on fucking."
"Good lord."
“I swear, his balls hung halfway to his knees. It was like watching a pair of tube socks stuffed with baseballs swing back and forth."
Dane winced. "Thank youso muchfor that visual."
“He could've tossed them over his shoulder. Legit."
"Lindsey!"
"They were pink and hairy."
"Fuck me, woman, Igetit. Shut the fuck up about the man's balls."
I dissolved into laughter. "I wish I was kidding! I just felt like if I have to have that in my head, then so do you."
He groaned. "You're demented. I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing that." He paused. "Wait, though. If he was facing away from you and standing up, then how could you see his balls?"
"He had his legs really far apart. They swung so far back each time he fucked her that they smacked him in the asshole."
"Dear god."
"I called him Long Balls Barry after that. He stopped coming around after a couple of weeks. Couldn't take the heat, I guess."
Silence.
"Linz, I…" he looked at me, frowning, sighed, and started over. "So now what?"
"Go home, Dane," I whispered. "You deserve someone who can…" I swallowed. "Someone who's not me. Someone thatdoesn't have a freight train a mile long full of trauma and baggage and bullshit."
"I don't like that answer," he murmured
"I know. But I can't be what you need. Not now. Maybe not ever. What I went through, Dane? You don't just get over it. You don't just…forget. It'll fuck me up the rest of my life."
"Maybe I'm willing to stand beside you anyway."
My eyes burned. "I don't know how to let you. I've told you more than I've ever told anyone other than Rune, and I'm barely keeping my shit together as it is."
"Linz, I—"
"I don'tdofeelings, Dane. I don't do tender and sweet. I don't do lovey-dovey."
"Recent events lead me to believe otherwise."
