Page 5 of Shades of Loyalty
But it wasn’t enough. And I don’t ever want to feel this powerlessness again.
Even as a nurse, I wasn’t ready for this. It’s been years since I started working in a hospital. And up until now, I let myself believe the illusion that—if I want to save someone—I can.
That illusion? It’s gone now. Fucking shattered and useless.
Chapter Three
Daniel
"He's really… dead." Her voice is soft, trembling as she looks up at me with tear-filled eyes.
The blood-soaked scarf in her hands speaks volumes, but it’s her expression that stops me. Grief. Real, raw grief.
Hayden and I? We don’t cry for any of our men, no matter what happens. Even if we were both close to Roy, we still don’t.
He was our guy, sure. A good friend, as well.
But we’ve learned to push that shit aside a long time ago. It’s how we survive. If someone saw us cry over a dead man, our enemies would know how to get to us. We can’t let that happen.
But her? She doesn’t hold back. AndI admire that.
I admire her ability to feel, to let her emotions spill out instead of burying them beneath layers of control. It’s something I haven’t done in years.
“Well,” I begin, trying to ground myself in the moment. “You did your best. And we’re truly grateful for that.” My tone is clipped, final.
But she hesitates, her hands still shaking.
"I just..." Her voice cracks, but she pushes forward. "Who do you think shot him? It’s not like people get shot here every day, right? I just wonder—"
Hayden cuts her off. “You don’t need the answer to that.” His tone is sharp, but I’m grateful. This woman—sweet as she may seem—talks too much.
Maybe it’s the shock setting in. Wouldn’t surprise me.
“The point is, he’s dead,” I state quietly, glancing at Roy’s lifeless body. “That’s the only information we need. Ignore everything else.”
It’s not that I don’t feel bad for the guy—I do. He was a good man. Loyal. Butnot good enough.
You can’t survive in our world if you can’t handle the heat. Roy wasn’t built for this. I keep telling myself that, over and over again. Maybe it’s to make myself feel better. Maybe it’s how I cope.
Because deep down, I know I screwed up. I shouldn’t have let him lead us today. I knew splitting up was a bad idea, but I didn’t stop him. I wanted him to learn through his mistakes, just like I did.
And now? Now he’s fucking dead.
And I hate it. I hate that I can’t change a damn thing about what happened. But what I hate even more is the goddamn realization that hit me — the realization that what I calledlearning from my mistakesback then was really just a nicer way of saying I almost died… and survived by sheer dumb luck.
I sigh, breaking the silence that’s pressing down on all of us like a weight. As I realize that she seems steady, I let go of her. “Alright then. Thank you for helping us.” Or, well, trying to.
She looks at me, her pale face streaked with tears. Our eyes meet—hers tear-filled, mine trying to stay professional. Trying not to act irrationally. Trying to handle the situation instead of comforting a woman I barely just met. For a moment, I think she might say something to me, but instead, she simply nods weakly.
“Hayden,” I call over my shoulder. “Help me get him out of here.”
Hayden frowns. “We don’t do that, Dan. It’s notourfucking job.”
I grit my teeth, irritation flaring. I try to keep my cool when I’m with him, but I also need him to know that acting up isn’t something I’ll allow him to do.
He might be my best friend, but he’s also my fucking underboss. And he’s supposed to do what he’s being told.
Or else—he's as useless as anyone who doesn't listen.
