Page 134 of Shades of Loyalty
I knew I had to be the first one. My siblings rely on me. And I can’t blame them.
I want to give them the strength they need, although it’s pulling on my life.
It takes us a long time until we’re ready to leave the church. We stand in front of my mom’s coffin until the priest asks us if we’re okay.
God, he even asked us if we wanted to say more prayers. I’m not that religious, though.
All of this “God will take care of her” shit? If God really does exist, he should’ve taken care of her while she was alive.
He should’ve protected her when I couldn’t.
We all stay there, until some of our men carry her coffin toward her place in the graveyard. Until her coffin is deep inside the ground.
The rain pours onto us. When we finally stood in front of her grave, two hours had passed since we’d all entered the church.
Most people left already. But the six of us? We’re still here.
Jennifer, Mary, Enzo, Andrew, Victoria, and me.
The rain pouring onto our umbrellas and the birds chirping between the trees are the only sounds filling the silence between us.
We all silently stare at the grave when finally, two people approach us, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
At first, I think it’s my father and Julian, but when the people finally come closer, Jennifer moves. She wouldn’t move for them.
My gaze wanders towards the two. It’s Yuri and his wife, Katya. God, it’s been weeks since I last saw them.
But they’re not alone. Not completely.
She’s … holding a baby.
Fuck. I noticed her belly has gotten bigger the last time I’ve seen her, but their baby has already been born? Really?
I guess that explains the silence from Yuri’s side.
“Katya!” Jennifer’s face lights up slightly. She looks at me holding her daughter for reassurance. I nod instantly. Mary and I will be fine.
When Jennifer walks to Katya, Yuri comes toward me and Mary instead. My body tenses slightly.
He smiles with a hint of sadness. “I’m really sorry this has happened,” he begins. “I wish we could’ve prevented this.”
“Trust me. I wish I could’ve done the same.” After my words, both of us stayed quiet. Mary is almost falling asleep on my arms as we watch our women chatter.
They seem happy. And although I can’t feel complete happiness during this moment, while standing in front of my mother’s grave— their happy faces make me feel… Hope.
I know life seems worthless at this moment. But life will go on.
And seeing Katya with her newborn, seeing Jennifer next to her with a huge smile on her face… It makes me feel like life will be fine from now on.
Now that I killed the man who was behind all this. Now that everything is over.
Jennifer looks at their son, but when she looks up and our gazes meet, she gives me a smile. A real smile.
A smile I want to see on her face the day she’s holdingourbaby.
Because while I know that we’re still at the beginning of our relationship… I want this. I want her.
I want a future with her. And once we have a child that’s ours by blood, I know—deep in my heart—that the four of us will finally feel complete.
