Page 125 of Shades of Loyalty
But even when my father leaves me alone, I sit there for almost an hour, staring at the lifeless body in front of me.
It was my fault. I killed him.
I’m a murderer. Fuck. Why did I just… Do this? Why did I do this? Why did I choose this way?
I shouldn’t have, I…
The dream lingers, the weight of it pressing down on me as I blink into the dark. I can still feel the gun in my hands, the fear in that man’s eyes. And then, as I turn to her, it all fades away.
She’s here, right with me.
I spend my next three minutes sitting on my bed, staring at the bedroom wall in the darkness.
Oh my fucking god. That did not just happen, right…? Fuck.
This hasn’t been happening for years now. I thought I let that memory behind?
“Daniel? Are you okay?”
My shocked expression turns to a gentle smile in an instant before I turn around to look at my girl. “I’m fine. Just a nightmare.”
She doesn’t turn on the light, just looks at me in the darkness. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I think about her offer. I don’t know. Do I want to talk about that?
In some sort, yes. But I can’t. Not now, at least. Not yet. And not with her.
I’m worried that if I do, she’s gonna judge me for it. I don’t want to vent to her about my first kill when she’s already struggling to digest the murder she saw me attempt.
I need to give her time before I talk to her about things like this. Just like she told me.
She needs time, and that’s okay. I’ll give her all the time she needs.
“It’s okay, pretty. It’s just a nightmare, nothing huge. I’m sure I’ve forgotten about it in the morning.” It’s a lie. I won’t forget about it so easily. But it’s okay.
I can handle it.
She doesn’t respond right away. I’m sure she’s doubting me, but she nods after a few seconds.
When I lay back down with her, I hold her body close on mine. “I’ll be fine, baby.” I reassure her. However, in some way, I feel more like I’m trying to reassure myself.
A satisfied sigh escapes my lips when her lips meet my neck. She kisses my skin gently, making my body relax. Fuck.
She’s so good at this. She always knows what I need, when I need it. And now, I needher.
Nothing else.
“I love this, baby…”
She giggles softly, continuing to kiss my skin, making me feel good.
“Just like that. Please don’t stop…”
Her hands wander onto my face, holding onto me softly before her lips crash onto mine. Our kiss stays gentle, yet intense.
She just wants to make me feel better. And fuck, she’s doing a really good job at that. She knows exactly what to do in order to make me feel calm.
I kiss her back, my hand resting on her hip as I lose myself in the feeling of her. Kissing her, touching her, smelling her—it’s all I need.
