Page 124 of Shades of Loyalty
I can’t take someone’s life. I’m not a bad guy.
“Figlio mio... Rendimi orgoglioso di te.“
My son... Make me proud of you.
I know I have to. I just need to listen to my father. It’ll be alright.
I take a deep breath, closing my eyes before I open them again to stare at the man in front of me.
“Pronto a morire?“
The man blinks. His lips part, but no words come. He doesn’t understand Italian. He also doesn’t understand that I’ve just sentenced him to die.
I need to make my father proud. That’s all I can think of. Even if it terrifies me, I have to act like I’m confident.
It’s the first thing my father taught me.
Even if I’m scared, don’t let anybody see it.
My fingers slowly wrap around the trigger. My dad takes a step back in an instant, watching my every move from behind.
Fuck it. I have to do it if I want to make my dad proud.
The trigger feels like a knife to my skin. But it won’t cut me. It won’t harm me.
I’ve learned how to handle this gun. I’m well aware I’m seconds away of killing this man.
And if I want to be the next boss, then I have to…
The moment I finally pull the trigger; the impact sends me staggering back. Fuck.
When I finally am able to look back at the man, I stop. I think I’m about to throw up.
The room seems as silent as ever. Not a single noise, even the birds chirping outside, arrives in my mind.
Only the sight of red.
The man is still looking at me, his eyes open, as if he’s judging me for killing him. But just seconds after, his bodysways before it falls down to the ground, covering the floor with his blood.
The gun in my hand suddenly doesn’t feel like metal anymore, it feels like gold. My hands are still trembling.
For a moment, I feel untouchable. Power courses through me. But gold is heavier than metal—and it’s dragging me down.
All I can notice in the moment is my knees hitting the ground, my eyes observing the now dead man’s body in front.
My fingers tremble as I finally lower the gun.
I killed someone. I took someone’s life. Just to make my father proud.
My eyes stare into the abyss. I’m a fucking murderer.
“It wasn’t that hard, was it?” My father’s voice suddenly echoes through the silence. All I can feel is his hand resting on my shoulder before I look up at him.
“I…” It was. It was extremely hard. But I can’t tell him, if my dad finds out, I…
“No worries. My first kill took a toll on me too. Con il tempo, diventa più facile.”
It gets easier with time. I hope so, too. I really do.
