Page 101 of Shades of Loyalty
Not speaking up. Not doing anything except crying. Mourning. But me? I feel like a fucking asshole.
Because I don’t cry.
Because I don’t know how to cry. She’s dead, but my body refuses to react. And I refuse to believe it. I refuse to believe she’s gone. I refuse to believe she had to die.
Why her? She always treated everyone so well, always comforted men and my siblings.
Why did it have to be her? There are so many cruel people out there, why would God decide to take her?
“Where’s her necklace?” I whisper.
My father doesn’t answer. Nobody does.
It’s always been a part of her. She’s been wearing it every day since I was born. Where the fuck is it?
I start to panic, until finally, my father looks up at me. His eyes are completely swollen.
“You’ll see when the time is right.”
We both stare into each other’s eyes. What does that mean…?
I flinch slightly when Jennifer sits down next to me, her eyes looking at me, giving me a silent apology. While I hold one of my mother’s hands, Jennifer takes my other hand in hers. As a sign of support.
For the first time since I’ve gotten the call, a small smile is on my lips. I hate facing reality.
I hate not being able to process my mom’s death. Not realizing she’s really gone. That her soul left Earth.
But having her here?
It’s not much. It can’t save me from the pain.
And yet, it means everything to me.
Jennifer shifts next to me, and I can tell she wants to say something. But the silence is too deafening. I know she’s worried. But she doesn’t have to be.
I look at her. “You don’t have to hold back. It’s okay, pretty.”
She sighs before she looks at my best friend, Hayden. “When you found her… Was she already…?” Jennifer doesn’t have to finish her sentence. We all know.
He looks at her. “She was dead already.”
When his eyes focus on her face, Hayden smiles gently. “Jennifer. You couldn’t have done anything. Trust me.”
She simply nods. I watch them. But I don’t say anything. I don’t do anything.
I just hold my mother’s cold hand, staring at her face.
A few minutes later, my mind is filled with too many thoughts. Too much self-doubt, too much hatred against myself.
If we wouldn’t have left… If Jennifer and I would’ve stayed. Nobody could’ve entered. Why the fuck wasn’t the mansion filled with security today?
If we stayed here, Jennifer could have saved here. We got so many medical tools here for a reason.
My head starts to hurt. I sigh, getting up and leaving. When Jennifer gets up next to me, looking at me with a worried expression, I shake my head.
“I… I have to be alone right now. Okay, pretty?”
She nods. “Okay. But… If you need me, I’ll be there. Always. Please don’t forget that”
