Page 44 of Shades of Loyalty
The mansion, the people, it’s all sodangerous. This life isn’t one a mother would wish for her child. But… I can’t bring myself to leave. Not yet. Not when things seem calmer than they’ve ever been. Fuck, maybe it’s all an illusion meant to keep me here.
I don't know what kind of business Daniel is really into, how much blood truly stains his hands, or what would happen if another mafia—like the Volkovs—tried to start a war.
But what I do know is that our life here is stable… for now. And that makes it even more confusing. How am I not scared? How am I not screaming for help?
Though, I admit, It’s not all perfect. I sent a text to my mother and told her we moved. She didn’t ask too many questions, which I’m grateful for. Regardless, she seemedworried about us, but I told her we’re fine. I told her the semi-truth, simply mentioning higher pay.
It’s not the full truth she deserves, but it’s also not a total lie. I do get more money now.
However, mentioning the Caruso family… I wasn’t ready to do that, yet. Besides, I’m sure Daniel only lets me keep my phone because he trusts me.
He told me not to fuck up. He told me hetrustsme, that he’s sure I won’t post anything or talk to anyone about this.
I could call the police on him, but for some reason, he trusts me enough to know I won’t.
Or he’s listening to my phone calls. Maybe he even hacked into my phone while I was asleep.
I wouldn’t be surprised, though I do hope he didn’t.
When I asked him how to tell my mother, he told me tofigure something out. I tried. My mother lives in another state. My boyfriend and I moved to Chicago before I got pregnant, and when I did— hell, I have no idea where he went.
All I know is that my mother’s still in Michigan, living her quiet little life—far away from all this chaos.
The only other person I truly needed to tell about us leaving was Mary’s nanny. But she didn’t even blink when I told her I wouldn’t need her anymore. She sent me a message with only one sentence.Don’t forget my last paycheck.Then she disappeared,just like that.
It stung at first, she was a nice woman I’ve talked to over coffee a bunch of times, but maybe it shouldn’t have stung at all.
Mary never bonded with her, not like she’s bonded with Enzo and Victoria. Watching her laugh with them makes me happy—truly happy—but it also leaves something hollow in my chest.
Because she’s thriving here.
And I’m... not.
I’m trapped between gratitude and guilt, between safety and suffocation. My daughter’s smiling, but my heart aches. I can’t tell anyone how heavy it feels—how confusing this all is.
Daniel pays me more than I ever dreamed of earning. He makes sure we have everything we need.
Food. A home. Protection. But I can’t stop wondering what it allmeans.
To him. To me. Tous.
He lets me and my daughter stay here, lets me care for Mary, but he’s colder now. Distant. It’s like I’m fading in his world, becoming a ghost that still breathes his air but never gets to touch him. Never gets too close to him.
After everything—after showing him what I wanted, what I felt in his presence—I thought he’d do something. Say something. React, in any way. But instead, he stepped back.
And maybe he’s right. I pushed too hard. Men like Daniel don’t like being chased. They like to be feared. They like the terror on people’s faces as they look at him.
He’s dangerous. A killer. A man made of control and violence. I know I should stay away. But God, I can’t.
He tells me not to get close, but I don’t want his heart. I just want his hands on me. His body. His weight on top of me until I forget who I am.
It’s a sick thought, maybe. Twisted. But no one else does this to me. No one else makes me feel this way. If it were just about wanting a man, I could pick anyone. I could’ve chosen Andrew to dream about at this point.
But I didn’t. It’s Daniel. It’salwaysDaniel.
It must be some kind of fucked up Stockholm syndrome. All I know is I shouldn’t think this way of him—and yet, I do.
Today’s the first time I can finally leave this place. Not forever, just for a few hours. There’s no Mr. Caruso lurking in the dark and watching my every step, no work to interrupt me.
