Page 93 of Keeping Amanda
Nash had sat down in the chair next to her bed and was holding her hand, something he did every time he came to visit. The first thing he always did was reach for her, as if he couldn’t wait one more second to touch her. She loved it.
“Yes. Nonstop. I’ve heard that sometimes people who are unconscious or in a coma can hear what’s going on around them. So I held your hand and talked.”
“About what?”
“Everything. Anything. Nothing. I simply wanted you to hear my voice, to know I was there.”
“I did,” Amanda said. “I heard you. I don’t really remembermuch of what you said, just your voice in the back of my head. It grounded me. I had a feeling something was wrong, but everything was dark and it felt as if I was looking down at myself from the outside. But knowing you were there, hearing you talk to me, it helped, Nash.”
“I’m glad.”
“There isonething I distinctly remember though.”
“What’s that?”
Amanda swallowed hard. This could go really well, or it could backfire on her. But she had to know. Had to know if she’d dreamed up something that she really wanted to be true, or if he’d actually said it.
“You saying that you loved me. I mean, I might have been hallucinating,” she rushed to add. “But it seemed so clear. And it’s okay if youdidn’tsay it…but now I need to know either way. BecauseI’mmadly in love withyou, and I don’t think I can go back to your apartment, live with you, get closer to you, if you don’t think you could one day come to love me back.”
Those last words were said quickly, probably because she knew if she didn’t get them out, she wouldn’t say them at all. The last thing she wanted was to go back to her cold, empty apartment by herself, but she would. Because loving this man and not having his love in return would slowly kill her.
In response, Nash stood and hovered over her again. His face was an inch from her own as he spoke. “You heard that? You heard me saying that?”
“I think so?” Amanda said, a little uncertainly.
“That’s amazing. And yes, I said it. Over and over. I love you, Mandy. More than you’ll ever know. What happened to you was the worst day of my life, and the days that followed weren’t much better. All I could think of was that I hadn’t told you how I felt. That you might die not knowing that you were the most important person in my life. That without you, I’m not sure I can continue on myself.”
Relief and joy and love swept through Amanda. She reached up and pulled Nash’s head down, kissing him hard. She wanted to deepen the kiss, craved his intimate touch, but he pulled away far too soon.
“I’m not going to get caught making out in the hospital the day you’re supposed to leave,” he said with a small chuckle.
Amanda pouted.
He laughed some more, then ran a hand over her hair. “I love you, Mandy. You’re so damn strong. The doctor said it’s a miracle how well you’re doing, how fast you’re healing.”
“I love you too, Nash. Thank you for being here. For looking after me, after Rain, I know it hasn’t been easy.”
“I’d do anything for you. Don’t you know that?”
“I do now.”
“I’m shocked that you heard me,” he muttered, as if speaking to himself.
She leaned her head into his hand, still cupping her head. “I think it was one of the only things keeping me going. I wanted to give up. To give in to the pain. The oblivion. But you wouldn’t let me. I didn’t want to let you down. And hearing you say you loved me gave me hope and a purpose, since I loved you back.”
“Amazing,” Nash said softly.
“You’reamazing,” Amanda told him. “I love you so much.”
“It feels great to say the words. I shouldn’t have hesitated to say them before,” Nash told her.
“Well, we’ve said them now and we’re moving on,” she said firmly.
“Yes, we are,” he agreed with a smile.
“I don’t mean to interrupt,” a man said from the doorway.
Nash spun around so fast, it almost made Amanda dizzy. She didn’t miss the way he stood squarely in front of her, as if prepared to protect her from any kind of danger. She supposed it would take him a while to let his guard down again. She wasdetermined, in time, to help him relax, to convince him that noteveryonearound them was out to get her.
