Page 90 of Keeping Amanda
Buck nodded. He really was glad she was gone, that Mandy wouldn’t have to deal with her if she woke up…whenshe woke up. But other than that, he felt nothing.
“Tex is struggling. Wants to talk to you when you feel up to it.”
Buck wasn’t sure he wanted to talk to the infamous computer geek. All he’d ever heard was how great the man was. He’d done amazing things for Casper and Laryn. Had been an integral part in getting Laryn out of Turkey alive and relatively unharmed. But his Mandy was lying unconscious, and he had no idea if she’d be the same person she was before the attack when she woke up. He didn’t fully blameTexfor that; the blame was just as much hisown. But he definitely wasn’t happy the man hadn’t been able to locate Blair before the woman found Mandy.
“She was under the radar, Buck. Didn’t have a phone, a car, credit cards. She hitchhiked to Virginia and hung out near the base. She never did find out where you lived, but she was able to talk to people around the base, until someone told her a lot of pilots liked to hang out at Anchor Point. She was living in the park right around the corner, keeping watch. Waiting and hoping you’d show up, so she could get to Mandy. Tex literally had no way to track her.”
Intellectually, Buck knew that. But rational or not, it still hurt that of all the people Tex had helped out of bad situations, Mandy was one of the few he couldn’t.
“How’s she doing?” Obi-Wan asked quietly, when Buck didn’t say anything.
He shrugged. “The same. No worse, no better.”
“What about the swelling?”
“The doctor says it’s going down.”
“That’s good news.”
“Yeah.”
“Are they going to ease her off the drugs to bring her out of the coma?”
“If she continues to do well, and the swelling goes down a little more, yes.”
“You know this wasn’t your fault…right, Buck?”
At his friend’s words, Buck’s eyes filled with tears. He didn’t want to cry. Wanted to stay strong for Mandy. But the concern in Obi-Wan’s voice did him in.
Once more, Obi-Wan took Buck’s hand in his and held on tight. He didn’t say anything, just stood by like a pillar of strength as Buck silently cried.
“I love her, man,” Buck said after a long moment, when he could speak again. “And I never told her.”
“She knows, Buck.”
“How? How can she know?”
“Because it was in your eyes every time you looked at her. Every time you made her breakfast or dinner. Every time you took Rain out, so she could stay in bed an extra five minutes. It was in every little thing you did for her. It’s not the words that matter, Buck…it’s the actions. And you show her every single day that you love her. And you know what else? She loves you right back. It’s as plain as day to all of us.”
Buck looked up at his friend then. “You think?”
“Yes.”
Buck took a deep breath, then looked back at the woman lying motionless on the bed in front of him. Obi-Wan was right, of course. Hehadknown that Mandy loved him. Every day, she showed him without words how much she cared, the same way he proved that he loved her. With actions. The way she always reached for him in her sleep. How she looked to him anytime they got news about Blair. How she clung to him when they heard about Bibi.
Taking another deep breath, Buck looked at his friend. “I was thinking about making love to her when we got home, and not paying as much attention to our surroundings as I should have. You know how dark Anchor Point’s parking lot is. I was just thinking that I should’ve left Mandy inside, and gone to get the car by myself, when Blair appeared out of nowhere.”
“If it didn’t happen that night, it would’ve happened some other time. Blair was patient. She wasn’t going to give up. And so what if you were thinking about sex? That doesn’t mean you were at fault. I’ve heard you tell Mandy more than once that what happened to her at the school, getting kidnapped, wasn’t her fault. That what happened to little Bibi wasn’t her fault. That all the fault lies with Blair. The same applies here.Blairwas the one responsible for this, not you.”
“I’ve tried to tell myself that, but the bottom line is that I vowed to keep her safe, and she got hurt on my watch.”
“Life is a weird thing, Buck. You can make all the promises you want, but life still has a way of kicking you in the teeth when you least expect it. Let it go, man. For your own sanity. Forhersake. She’s gonna need you to be her rock when she wakes up, and you can’t be strong for her if you’re kicking yourself for what happened. Let me ask you this: you think Mandy’s going to blame you when she wakes up?”
Buck didn’t even have to think about that. “No.”
“Exactly. Let it go. Concentrate on helping her get better. Blair is gone. Dead. She’s not a threat anymore. You can’t live with that hanging over your head, and Mandy wouldn’t want you to. You have your whole lives ahead of you. Do you want to live with regret, or with the joy and expectation of a happy, long life instead?” Obi-Wan glanced at his watch. “With that, my time is up. I’d tell you to let us know when the doc is going to bring Mandy out of the coma, but…you should know, Tex is monitoring the situation and keeping us in the loop.”
“How is he monitoring the situation?” Buck asked with a frown.
