Page 52 of Keeping Amanda
All her responsibilities suddenly felt overwhelming. But she didn’t want Nash to feel as if she couldn’t handle herself. She was a grown-ass woman. She’d be fine.
“Just how crazy it seems that it wasn’t so long ago when we were tromping through the jungle, sleeping on the ground, and eating random animals you managed to snare.”
“Right? Life changes on a dime. I’ve learned that over my years of flying. Itiscrazy. But I’ve also learned to go where the wind takes me and go with the flow. Doing anything else would be like punching a brick wall. It gets you nothing but a busted hand and doesn’t faze the wall in the least.”
Amanda chuckled. It was a good analogy.
It felt so strange to pull into the parking area of her apartment building. It seemed like just yesterday she was leaving, and yet it also felt like a lifetime ago. She was a completely different person now than she was when she’d left. Which added to her feeling of being off balance.
Nash carried the three bags she’d brought with her to Guyana and walked her toward the entrance to her building. It was after dinnertime, and her neighbors had always been quiet, which was probably why she didn’t see anyone as she led Nash up the stairs and down the hall to her door.
Putting the key in the lock felt surreal. Even though she’d done it more times than she could count, this felt like the first, because of everything she’d experienced since she’d last been there.
Nash stepped in and put her bags down just inside the door. Amanda unclipped the leash from Rain’s collar and turned to look at Nash. She wanted to ask him not to go, but he probably had just as many things he needed to do as she did. And she hadno idea what else to say to him, now that the time had come to say goodbye.
“I’ve got your number, and I’ll text to see how you’re doing soon.”
Amanda’s mouth felt dry. She was having a hard time swallowing. She nodded.
“You’ll be okay?”
She nodded again.
She wanted him to tell her that he’d call her for theirdatesoon. That he’d see her tomorrow, which was stupid, because they’d both probably be very busy in the next few days, weeks.
She wanted to tell him how grateful she was…how much she’d miss him…ask him not to go. But she said none of those things. Simply stared up at him, trying desperately not to cry.
Nash stepped forward and put his hand behind her neck. Her heart sped up. She wanted his kiss. Needed it.
But he didn’t kiss her. Not the way she wanted him to. He simply pressed his lips against her forehead then stepped back.
Disappointment swept through her. This was it. He was going to walk out that door and forget all about the weird, impulsive woman he’d had to chase down in a freaking rainforest because she’d been stupid enough to run away from the chopper that was there to rescue her, instead of toward it.
“You’re an amazing woman, Amanda Rush. I’m a better man for having met you. I’ll text soon,” he repeated.
And then he was gone. Leaving her in the quiet apartment feeling adrift. Lost.
And so incredibly alone.
The tears started then, and she couldn’t do anything other than sink down to her butt right there in her small foyer and cry. Shehatedcrying. Wasn’t usually the kind of person who burst into tears at a moment’s notice. But she was exhausted, could still smell the jungle on her even though she’d taken that amazing shower in Nash’s room at the base in Guyana, and thesounds all around her were so different from what she’d gotten used to, it made her feel completely out of her element once again.
Rain nudged her arm, and Amanda gladly lifted it to hug the dog against her side. He licked her face as if trying to wipe away her tears, but they kept coming.
How long she sat there on the floor, Amanda didn’t know, but eventually her butt went numb and she knew she needed to get herself together.
This wasn’t like her. She was a strong, independent woman. Taking a deep breath, she slowly stood. Crying wasn’t going to change her circumstances, and it certainly wasn’t going to get her unpacked and all the other chores that needed to be done accomplished.
Looking down at Rain, who amazingly hadn’t wandered off to check out his new environment, but instead had stayed right at her side, she said, “What d’ya think, boy? Want to see your new digs?”
As if he understood every word that came out of her mouth, the dog tilted his head and whined deep in his throat.
Amanda chuckled and wiped her face. “I need to figure out what I’m going to feed you. And make you a bed. And a hundred other things, but first…the grand tour.”
An hour later, Amanda was lying in bed, Rain at her side—which felt amazing and reminded her of how Nash would cuddle up against her back at night. Of course, that made his absence feel all the more real, but she refused to cry again.
The vibration of her phone on her nightstand almost made her pee her pants in fright. It had been so long since she’d heard the stupid thing make any noise. It wasn’t as if she’d used it much while she’d been in Guyana, and she couldn’t imagine who would be texting her.
Reaching over, she picked it up and stared at the screen.
