Page 64 of Deserving Lara
“And when you started to recover? When you didn’t need me around all the time…I was proud. So impressed that you could find your way out of your panic and fear. And I have to admit that I liked how our relationship was changing. You no longer needed a crutch, but you still seemed to enjoy being with me. Talking. Cooking. Doing normal things.
“I didn’t tell you about the trip to buy the helicopter,notbecause I wanted to keep it from you, but simply because flying is no longer the most important thing in my life, Lara.Youare.
“I think I loved you from the moment we left that hospital in Arizona. You were so scared, so traumatized, and yet you still did your best to reassure your parents that you were okay…when you were anything but. You reassured Cora, tried to make her feel better about you being kidnapped. From that moment, I fell hard and fast. Anyone who could be as kind as you, to think about others even while trying to deal with such a horrific ordeal, was someone I wanted to be around. Someone I wanted to have in my life forever.
“I’m excited about having a chopper here at The Refuge, but that excitement is eclipsed byyou, Lara. I wasn’t thinking about horsepower or fuel capacity when you walked into this cabin every night; all I wanted to know was how your day went. Hearing the stories about the kids you and Cora entertained, how much you were enjoying contributing. That was my focus. Then we’d wake up in the morning, and I’d be so overwhelmed and grateful that I’d slept through the night again…the helicopter was the last thing I thought about.”
Lara’s head was spinning. She wasn’t sure she’d ever heard Owl say so much at one time before. She was transfixed by everything he was sharing. He didn’t talk a lot about his time as a POW, or what he endured after he was home…but hearing his thoughts now, about what others did or didn’t think of his profession, was heartbreaking. And worse—he wasn’t wrong.
Those movies he talked about? They didn’t focus on the daring pilots of those choppers at all. They showed the helicopters flying in and out of mountain ranges, picking up the special forces soldiers, dropping them off amongst heavy gunfire, but not once could Lara remember any focus being on the pilots.
“And in the last few days, you’ve also been exhausted. And happy. I got a glimpse of the person your kids out in DC got to see every day. Your inner light shone so bright, it almost blinded me. I didn’t want to dim that for even a second by making you stress about a potential trip off The Refuge.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I should’ve found a way to tell you about the helicopter. Tex found a Bell 505. It’s almost new and the price is unbeatable. Brick’s been emailing back and forth with the seller and our accountant to make a potential deal. Now, he’s made an appointment next week for Stone and me to check it out before any purchase. A couple weeks ago, when The Refuge owning a helicopter was more a discussion than a done deal, Brick suggested that maybe you could come with us to take a look at it. It was before you were doing as well as you are now. But even then, I wanted you to come with me, simply because I didn’t like the thought of not being around you for any length of time.
“I’ve gotten used to you, sweetheart. The way you hum under your breath when you’re cooking. The mess you can’t seem to help leaving in the bathroom when you’re getting ready for the day. The way you feel in my arms at night. The sounds you make when I’m deep inside you. I love you, Lara. And I hate myself for the hurt and uncertainty you’re feeling. That you’re in a fetal position because I made you doubt my love for you.”
The silence in the room when he stopped speaking was heavy.
But surprisingly, Lara felt…light.
“I’m not really hurt because you didn’t tell me about the helicopter itself. I’m upset because I thought maybe you decided you didn’t want me to go, or didn’t think I could handle it…and that’s why you didn’t bring it up. And also because it’s something I know you were probably thrilled about, and you didn’t let me share in that excitement.
“I want to share in the thingsyoulove too, Owl. Too much has been about me so far, and I’m tired of it. I want to share my joy over Henley and Reese’s pregnancies. I want to celebrate birthdays. I’m sick of everyone tiptoeing around me. I’m not great, but I’m getting much better. Henley has helped me see that life is about how you react to experiences. And I don’t want to be Carter Grant’s victim. I want to laugh. Make love. Tease my friends and be involved in their lives. And I can’t be involved if everyone is second-guessing what they say in front of me because they’re scared I’m going to have a panic attack.”
Owl nodded. “You’re right. I promise not to keep anything from you from this moment on. If I’m happy, I’ll share with you. If I’m angry, I’ll let you commiserate and talk me off the ledge. If I’m scared, I’ll let you comfort me. I fucked up, Lara. I know it, and I’m sorry. Please don’t let this break us up.”
Just the thought of leaving this man made Lara’s chest hurt. She slowly sat up. “Come here?” she asked tentatively.
Owl shot to his feet and was at the side of the bed in a heartbeat. She scooted over, giving him room, and he lowered himself to the bed beside her. They were face-to-face, and he smoothed a hand over her hair and stared into her eyes.
“Forgive me?”
“I think I’d forgive you anything,” Lara told him as she wrapped an arm around his waist. The other lay flat against his chest between them.
“Thank God,” he breathed as he shut his eyes.
It was clear to Lara that Owl had been just as stressed out as she’d been. He hadn’t been in a fetal position, but he’d been just as upset about the tension between them.
“For the record, Idosee you, Callen Kaufman. And I see an amazing man. Unselfish, giving, and willing to do whatever it takes to make others happy. I also see a sexy, gorgeous man who makes me feel things I’ve never felt in my life.”
“Safe?” he asked.
“That too,” she reassured him. “But I’m not in love with you because you make me feel safe. Because you protect me.”
He lifted an eyebrow, and Lara couldn’t help but think he was kind of cute when he needed reassurance like this.
“I fell in love with you because you never saw me as broken, even when I was.”
“You were never broken, sweetheart. Dented, maybe. But not broken.”
Yeah, she definitely loved this man. “And the answer is yes, by the way.”
He frowned in confusion.
“I’ll go with you and Stone to Seattle.”
His eyes lit up with excitement. “Yeah?”
