Page 92 of Raze
“More!” Kellan shouts, and I don’t know if he means with the punching bag or what I’m saying, but my body reacts automatically.
“He’s a selfish, arrogant, sadistic asshole who won’t admit when he’s wrong! I hate him!” I gasp and swing one last punch at the bagbefore stumbling back to catch my breath. I drop to my knees and then fall back on the mats, stretching my arms and legs out while my chest heaves.
Kellan crouches beside me, his eyes taking me in from head to toe. His nostrils flare, and his lips twist into a frown. “Aiden, huh? Are you sure he’s the one you’re really angry with?”
My head rolls on the mats so I can look at him. “What do you mean by that?”
He shrugs, setting his chin in his hand as he gazes at me from higher up, which reminds me of Jackson. My chest twinges with the memory of my dark shadow, who I haven’t seen or felt in a while. Where has he gone? Did he leave me behind on this mission he’s on?
Kell smiles at me, but it’s tight and doesn’t reach his eyes. “You and Aiden fucked.” My eyes widen and snap over to his before I can stop them, and he nods like that was answer enough.
“That and what I’m talking about have nothing to do with each other,” I argue hotly.
His eyebrows raise slightly. “Oh, no?” he counters almost sarcastically. “So, are you thinking about doing it again, even when he pisses you off like this?”
I push up to my elbows on the floor to glare at him. “What does it matter?”
He moves over me in a heartbeat, his knees straddling either side of me while he leans forward and forces me back against the mats. “It matters,” he breathes darkly, his large hand coming up to touch my face. “Everything matters when it comes to you, beautiful. I just need to know if I’m going to have to up my game at winning yourfavor if I have competition.”
“There is no competition,” I murmur between us because he’s so close. “I already told you I don’t do relationships. I do what I feel in the moment because I never know when it might be my last. I don’t plan for the future or worry about tomorrow, in case it never comes.”
“You will have a future. I swear it. And when GE is gone and you realize you could settle down with someone, give your heart to someone, then I’ll be there to make sure that someone is me.” My breath catches at the declaration, then releases slowly. I can’t see any future until GE is gone.
Kellan smirks cockily and continues, “I didn’t expect Aiden to get in the way, but I think he’ll fuck up his chances all by himself. So, I think my odds are still looking good.”
I chuckle and shake my head at him. “You can’t forget about Jackson.”
He raises a single brow. “What about him?” I give him a knowing look, and he huffs a laugh. “Of course, that sneaky guy got to you, too. I knew it would always be between the four of us.” Kellan pushes himself back to his feet and holds out his hand for me. I take it and pull onto my feet.
I realize then that he said the four of them. “There’s nothing between me and Dane. And Aiden…that was amistake.”
He chuckles and grabs a wipe off the wall to clean the punching bag, but doesn’t argue with me. I can’t tell if that means he agrees or if he’s just choosing not to push his statement.
I sit on a bench against the wall and grab a bottled water fromthe pack. The idea of a future and what I would do with my life rolls around like the water in my mouth. Is it even worth dreaming about?
What about Portia?
I promised to take down Gifted Enterprise so that I could see her again. I have to have a future to make that happen.
“Hey, Kell?” I ask quietly, still somewhat lost in my thoughts.
He tucks the last bit of gauze into his wrap, then secures it with a bit of tape before punching a fist into his palm. “Yeah?”
“Did we miss Christmas?”
Kellan cocks his head to the side, and his face furrows with confusion. Probably at the sudden topic change, or maybe he is as unsure of date and time as I am. “I saw decorations and lights out at the store earlier, so probably not. Why? I don’t need a gift, beautiful, if that’s what you’re worried about. I can think of a few things that don’t cost anything you could give me instead,” he teases with a wolfish grin.
I chuck my water at him after an eye roll and a smirk, and of course, he catches it easily in one hand. “Like you’d wait around for Christmas every year for that.”
His grin widens. “Oh, but I’d put a bow on it to make it special.” He snaps his fingers together in an ah-ha moment and points to me. “Actually, if you could dress yourself up in a bow…that would be my favorite gift.”
“Duly noted,” I reply with a smile, and his eyebrows jump to his hairline. “I want to get some white lights to hang around the firehouse,” I speak up before he can distract me again with the mainreason I’d asked about Christmas. The white lights will look really good against the exposed brick and wood that takes up the main living area through to the kitchen.
Kellan takes a swig from my water bottle and then wipes his lips with the back of his hand. “Alright. We usually put a tree up every year, but we don’t decorate aside from that. The Guild does the bigger deal for the holidays.”
I nod slowly, taking my time to share this with him. “I, uh, can’t remember the last time I celebrated a holiday. Something about being here makes me want to experience that again…if it’s not a big deal, I mean.”
“Not a big…” Kellan stares at me incredulously and then scoffs. “Fuck, beautiful, we can do the whole kit and caboodle then! What about the last five—” He stops himself at my look and shakes his head. “Yes. We’ll decorate, sing carols, you and Dane can watch those corny classics, and then we'll eat some Christmas turkey and ham.”
